Review of 2013

Can you believe that the year is almost over. Neither can I. But it is and I really wanted to share with my newer readers and those who may not know me some big things that happened this year and some amazing blessings that God bestowed on our family. Here is our recap of 2013.

January - April

For those who don't know in 2012 I was flung into a heated custody battle over my eldest daughter, Kaidance with her biological father Brian. It was not pretty. There are a LOT of details that I will spare you but throughout our ordeal we spoke and prayed one thing: That God would grant us full custody of Kaidance, with visitation rights with her and her dad. 

It was scary. I'm not going to lie. I would be hopeful and faith filled one money and then sobbing uncontrollably the next after a drop off. In July of 2012 we won our custody pre-trial and began gearing up for our final trial in February of 2013.

To make a long story short God remained faithful and answered our prayers. We are not even certain to this day on why, but the Friday before our February 21st court date my ex-husband settled with us outside of court. He agreed to everything we had asked for and prayed for over Kaidance.....even amongst some saying that "we didn't win" because we settled we KNOW who we serve and we know that we did win, because God is faithful.

Some other big events in photos from the first part up until April of 2013. In order, Tony was baptised and make a public declaration of his faith. I was pregnant with our third child, a son, Joseph. And Sophia had minor surgery (her first surgery!) to place tubes because she was getting double ear infections back to back for 6 months. 

May - September

Lots of amazing things happened between May and September! Two of the biggest things were God blessing me with the opportunity to become a Freedom House Kids Ministry Apprentice. It was a truly INCREDIBLE semester of growth and leadership skill building. 

(Me and another apprentice, Harrison!)

Truly and honestly the biggest event of 2013 was the birth of me and Tony's first son, Joseph Isaiah. Born on daddy's birthday we could not have asked for a better birth experience and such an amazing blessing. Brings me to tears (and my knees) every day.

Some other big events in order: Our family vacation to Gatlinburg, TN! Kaidance's first ballet recital, Kaidance's first day of Kindergarten and Sophia graduated from Big Sister class!

October - December

We ended our year with all of the "normal" happenings. Halloween, Thanksgiving, fun and friendships. We are confident in the Lord and faith filled that 2014 will bring many changes, blessings, and beginnings!

Blessings and a HAPPY New Year!

Meg

Off Days

I was going to be working on a Christmas themed blog post today. You know, the consumerism sucks type posts. But I'm not. I'm not going to right now because I want to be honest about my day.

Today was an off day. It was filled with too many incidents of me warming up the same cup of coffee a thousand times. I watched too much How I met your mother and was truly tired. My spouse and I had a spat the night before, my almost six-month-old baby didn't want to sleep at.all and my other two woke up earlier than normal ready to eat and go about their day. I just wanted to lay on the couch, all day. 

So, in some ways I did do that. I lazied around and didn't do some of the things I knew I needed too. After an amazing day yesterday I thought my week was set. I have so many fun things planned, this is the week we celebrate Christmas and I was determined to get in the Christmasy spirit!

You see the devil works in the day to day situations. Don't be fooled, he does. There were times where he was trying to manipulate my mind into making me think, So and so doesn't love you because they weren't there for you back then, or even your so lazy. You should be up cleaning and dressed and have your make up done. 

The devil is not as crafty as you think. In fact, he's dumb. He uses the same tactics over and over on us and yet we fall for it many times. I knew what he was doing today. He was trying to bring me down. He was trying to steal the joy that I so specifically stated I received just two days ago. He uses lies and manipulation (two of his best traits) and the past to try and wreck our days. Nothing big has to happen for the devil to attack. In fact, in most attacks it's so subtle you don't see the wound until someone else points out that you are bleeding!

Then, oh then, I pulled out a little tiny card from my dear "You are" jar that my mentor gave me for my birthday. It's a jar that has 26 little slips of paper in it and I pull one out each day and carry it around as a reminder of who I am to Christ, to my family, to her, and to others. Today I pulled out the card that said:

Loved. 

Not only did it just say that but it included Psalm 36:5 that reads "Your mercy, O Lord, is in the heavens; Your faithfulness reaches to the clouds."

How comforting. Not only does God love me but He has faith in me. He has faith that I can overcome through Christ the negative thoughts the devil is trying to put in my head. Not just that but He gives me mercy for the times when I do have off days. It's OK. I accepted in that moment that the Lord was given me mercy to relax. That I needed to, again, be reminded of the mercy I should be sharing, FREELY, with those around me. That I needed to put my faith in His sincere and completely truthful promises. I told that devil to be quiet (literally, out loud) and then rested in His peace.

So, yeah, I admit, I watched too much How I met your mother and yes, I had to re-heat my cup of coffee a jillion times, but you know what? I still have joy. I'm loved. And tomorrow is a new day.

Be blessed (and try to drink your coffee hot),

Meg

Identity Thief

At some point in time it seems that many people struggle with identifying who they are and why they are on this earth. The most common question I hear from others I talk to who are hurting or lost is, "Why did God make me? Why am I here and what is my purpose?" It is OK to ask those things. God wants us to know who we are and why we are here but a lot of times this question becomes our main focus in life, which can be time consuming and stressful.

My identity struggle has been a lifelong issue that I can truthfully say is no longer a struggle anymore. It's been a long and dark road, one that I wish didn't take so long, but now I am excited to stand and say, "I know who I am. Who are you?"

I went through phases of my identity struggle which I'd like to share with you. Each phase posed a new question or struggle or even a doubt when I was sure I had gotten past this issue. The enemy wants to attack our identity. He doesn't want us to know who we are, but we don't have to let him win this fight.

My struggle with identity began before I was even born. It doesn't sound possible but how we are brought into this world and who is surrounding us can make a big difference on how we view ourselves from the start. My biological father had left my mother at a movie theater when she was six months pregnant with me. As devastating as it sounds for me, it was much worse at the time for her. This began phase one for me.

Phase 1: I'm not good enough.

It's not often that I don't hear of someone saying they've never struggled with this phase of identity, even if just for a moment. When my biological father left me the seed of abandonment was planted in my heart. It took root as I told myself, "I wasn't good enough as a daughter for him to love. I wasn't good enough with my behavior, etc." 

I went through many years of this phase, from being just a child to my teenage years. Instead of focusing on who I was/am in Christ and developing those characteristics I put myself down on a daily basis and would criticize everything I did.

Megan, your writing isn't good enough. Your body isn't good enough. Your smile isn't pretty. You are so loud, you annoy everyone.

These damaging thoughts rooted in my spirit and it took a lot of prayer and counseling to rid myself of them.

Let me be gentle in my words with this next sentence. We are not good enough. It is through Christ that we are made new and through Christ that we can do anything good that we have done. 2 Corinthians 12:9 And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness. Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me." 

God is not blind to our weaknesses or our struggles and part of knowing who we are is being OK with not being good enough. When you realize that you are weak and that it is through Christ and His grace that you are able to be anything near good you let go of that "I am not good enough mindset."

This quote by Patrick Rothfuss sums up what I feel with this phase.

“It's like everyone tells a story about themselves inside their own head. Always. All the time. That story makes you what you are. We build ourselves out of that story.”
― Patrick Rothfuss, The Name of the Wind

When we tell ourselves over and over that we are not good enough to do anything then we lie to ourselves and prevent ourselves from reaching our full potential. Not just that, but from what we read int his quote we are literally birthing our own story into reality through these thoughts and words. What we should be saying is, "I know I'm not good enough by myself but with Christ, who perfects His power in me in my weakness, I can be a good mom, daughter, artist, etc. 

Within this first phase destructive habits were born. As a teenager I did a lot of self-harm things that I shouldn't have. I began throwing up all my food thinking I wasn't good looking or skinny enough, I would date men to gain attention because I was loved starved from the other male figures in my life, I even drank occasionally to drown out the pain of not feeling good enough. These things had taken root and while some would go away others got worse in phase 2.

Phase 2: Why can't I just be someone else? 

This was one of my most destructive phases. While I did start some bad behaviors and habits in the previous phase those habits became a whole new level of unhealthy in this phase. From later teens (about 19) until I was about 23 I was a self-hating woman who did anything and everything to change who I was so that I could just be someone else.

I really struggled with accepting myself. I thought everyone else wanted me to change (and honestly I'm sure some did) and so instead of working through that I just tried to be someone else. I'm naturally loud, so I wanted to be quiet. I'm outgoing, so I tried to be shy. Everyone seemed to like blondes, so I dyed my hair.

It was a never ending cycle of "who would Megan be today?" I had a serious eating disorder, couldn't figure out which clothes were my style and at times would drink myself into a non-remembering state. I didn't want to be who I was because everyone around me seem to find something wrong with me, even if it was just something minor.

Within a year or so of this lifestyle I was a completely different person. At one point when I was younger I was compassionate and kind hearted. I had a love of people and a desire to be relational. Within this phase I lost all of that. I was mean. I cursed worse than many sailors and my love for the Lord dwindled because I decided that if I couldn't give my entire life and heart I shouldn't give it at all. I was becoming a product of what I thought others wanted and thought of me, and ultimately becoming truly unhappy.

A quote that reminds me of this is: “Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everyone I've ever known.” ― Chuck Palahniuk, Invisible Monsters

While I think we can obtain traits from others around us I was beginning to feel like the things that made me unique were being shoved down deep inside. I could barely pull them out. I felt like a person who was drowning in an open sea. Nothing but water surrounding me. I could hear the Lord saying, "STAND UP. I am your sandbar!" But I couldn't.

It took counseling to get me out of this phase. I had to finally look deep into scripture and also at my heart to learn that God had created me uniquely to be just who I was (flaws and all) because He needed me to do something unique for His kingdom. For those who may be in this phase. You don't need to be. God loves you for all your uniqueness and if others have trouble accepting it, they may not be someone you want in your inner circle.



These two phases were my biggest struggle areas. After phase two I said, "Enough is enough," and really dealt with my identity issue. I leaned on scripture and wise counsel to help me through and to finally learn who I was. So, you ask, how do I know who I am?


How do I know who I am?

The first big piece of my missing puzzle was to understand that God created me in His image (Genesis 1:27). This was important to know because it made me understand that anytime I insulted myself, I truly was insulting my savior and my creator. How would you feel if a child you bore said, "I hate what you created?" Not fun.

I also needed to truly grasp that my uniqueness was purposely created by God and that God was not unaware of my gifts and my weaknesses. (Jeremiah 1:5).

Lastly I needed to know that it was a daily choice to encourage my own thought life in accepting who I was (Ephesians 4:22-24) and that I needed to be bold and say, "Meg, you are beautiful. You are wonderfully made, you are His." The words began to seep into my spirit and slowly over the course of two years I began to truthfully believe those things about myself.

Lastly, how do I stand firm in this truth?

I've shared a lot. But if I could leave you with one piece of experience I would with this. The enemy does NOT want you to know who you are. He does NOT want you to be confident in the roles that God has given you.

Last year was my first serious test of standing firm in my identity. The enemy attacked me from all sides (even using my children) to try and tear me down. In a custody battle with my ex-husband for our daughter Kaidance every inch of who I was was torn into. It was both embarrassing at times but mostly humbling to know where God had brought me.

There were also things that happened in my marriage and the enemy used those situations to try and PULL me back into previous phases. "See, you are better off being like so and so," or the age old, "You just weren't ever good enough Megan."

At times it was very daunting. Very tiring but I stood firm. I stood firm and held to the promise that God would use me just as I was if I would only allow him to help me walk through it.

I did. Today I stand more confident in who I am then I've ever been before. I'm accepting the things I know are my personality and working on things I know I can change to better myself and the talents God has given me.

"Freedom lies in being bold," Robert Frost.

You want to be free from identity issues? Be bold and be yourself. Make a list of things that make you unique, who you are, scriptures that support your walk and identity in Christ. Start there. I know I am loud, crazy, unafraid to talk to anyone, a go-getter. I love deeply. I hurt deeply. I am compassionate and have a servants heart. I am a natural born leader, spontaneous, and not afraid of conflict.

These days my list of things I love about myself outweighs the things I dislike 100 to 1. It's incredibly freeing to love yourself for who God created you to be. Try it.

Be blessed,

Meg

For The Cause - Inner City Missionary

The saying, "You discover yourself and your purpose in your serve," has never been more true for someone today than it is for me. Since I began serving at Freedom House in 2012 my entire life has changed. I realized how important it is to make life more than just about me To reach out to those who need help, to wipe a tear away, and to spread hope. 

These past few weeks God has been speaking to me heavily through my serve. From a young age I knew I was going to be a missionary. As a young girl I wanted to be the female version of John the Baptist (not kidding). I always had big visions of traveling to other countries and preaching God's good word. I do still feel a call to that just not full time. I continued to pray all these years and continued to ask God, "How can I strip myself of ME and become more like YOU? How does being a missionary play out in my life?"

It is through serving that I believe God is revealing my destiny. God has gifted and granted me one of the most amazing abilities. This is to speak to others and relay a compassion for the hurting. I have a heart for the hurting. When they hurt, I hurt. When they want, I want for them. I don't want to see them suffering any longer. There are times when I am asking for a donation or speaking about a cause that I don't even remember all that I've said. I just know that God has already worked on that person or business's heart because they can rarely hold back tears or their generosity. They get it. They get that it takes community.

It is through tears, my sweet friends, that I believe I know what God is saying to me. Not only am I to continue in Kids Ministry but God is calling me to be an inner city missionary. One who is NOT ashamed to go above, beyond, and outside of her comfort zone to ask people to step up and help their community. There ARE resources out there. We just need to use them. We need to allow the Holy Spirit to use us and to be sensitive to our communities and those in it. Miracles don't have to just be seen overseas they can be seen right here in our homes and in our local churches.

I used to be an extremely selfish and mean spirited person. I used to only think of my wants, my desires, and what could please Meg. God has and is removing those dust mites from my spirit. When I get into moments of selfishness it's like God instantly shows me in the physical or in the spirit how much more important it is to be selfless and show God's love and kindness. Your generosity, friends, can change an entire world. It doesn't have to start or end with one particular event. It can be a lifestyle lived. 

Will you join me in this cause? Will you be willing to say "YES!" to serving YOUR city? Or in helping me serve mine?

My first big non-profit project in 2014 is donations for the Ronald McDonald House in Charlotte. Monthly I will post blog posts, events, and all kinds of information on the Ronald McDonald House and ways YOU can donate. You can give. Simple things. 

For January I am collecting:

- Women's feminine pads (all sizes including lights)

- Free and Clear Laundry detergent (high efficiency) 

These items are easy to obtain. If you are in another state don't fret if you want to give. We are collecting donations for Walmart and Target to do a big purchase the last week of January. We are also ALWAYS looking for a group to go and help bring the items the first week of the new month. 

God wants to use you. He can use you if you allow Him. What a simple way of giving back. I hope to fill my life with plenty of opportunities to give (not just monetary but of my time too). Will you step up and serve?

If you are interested in donating please note that I can pick up items at any location in Charlotte. Please contact me directly for more information or to drop off. meganloismartino@gmail.com or (910) 554-2181. We also have an event page for January's donation on Facebook at: Ronald McDonald Charity - January.

Most importantly don't forget to pass this along!

Blessings,

Meg

Legacy of Generosity

For the past several years I have been some what alone on my birthday. My husband Tony has always been working and while I've had friends no one has ever really taken time (outside of my family) to make it super special. Being frank, I would whine inside. I wanted my birthday, the most favorite time of the year, to be SUPER special. Why couldn't anyone do that?

This past year as my birthday rounded the corner my heart changed. I have come to really dislike the selfishness of this generation. It is beyond bad, my friends. Someone cannot even hear about anothers birthday without hearing of all the things the person plans to do for themselves, or what others should do for themselves. This includes the major holidays. I hear more of "I want, I want," then anything else.

Not saying wanting to be loved on or feel special is bad. It's not. In fact, I think it's important for everyone to feel this way. But. Are your wants clouding your judgment in seeing how much need is out there?  Proverbs 11:25 The generous soul will be made rich, And he who waters will also be watered himself.

What is it saying? Rich in what? Watered? It's not just talking about money. Someone who lives a generous life is rich in many bigger ways than a fattier wallet. He is rich in so much more and is blessed because he sees others blessed.

I really felt God's pull to do something different. To leave a legacy of generosity to my children and my family that would mean much more than money. To reach others despite the fact that many would say, "But it's your day..." Take a moment. Read my experience as I chose to be intentionally generous and see how it changed my life, not just theirs.

My prayer, to start, was that the Holy Spirit would guide me specifically to whom I should bless and how I should bless them. At first my plan was to do 26 random acts of kindness but then God placed the Ronald McDonald house on my heart and this became my biggest act. I started asking for donations from their wish list after getting approval to come and tour the house and meet the house director.

The Tuesday before my birthday is when the generosity really began. I walked into a Chick-Fil-a to get donations for our church when I felt that I was going to be paying for someones meal. As I was walking in I noticed a younger couple. "This is it," I thought. I noticed they paid separately and as I went for my debit card to pay I felt the Holy Spirit stop me. "No, not this one." I waited. A mother came to the counter. Not exaggerating, she looked tired. She had sweats and a baggy t-shirts and ordered 5 or 6 ice creams. "Now." Like a wide receiver going after a ball I jumped over and handed my card and said, "On me!" She tried to refuse me but I wouldn't let her. She looked me square in the eye and said, "You don't know how much I needed that."

"No I didn't, but God did." I left.

The next moment would happen Thursday before my birthday. I received tons of donations from a few church people and friends (thank you all!) but still needed more to add. So instead of asking for a gift from my hubby I asked his permission to buy a ton of travel size products and pantry items. I also bought tons of cookie mix and muffin mix.

When I went to check out a young lady by the name of Stephanie was my cashier. She jokingly said, "Are you going on a long vacation to eat cookies and muffins?" I said, "Nah. I'm doing some charity work for my birthday." She was shocked and we began a really good conversation in which she opened up to me that she really had trouble with seeing the good in humanity. I shared with her openly that it was not me that was good, in fact I wasn't really good at all, but that it was God in me that really made me want to give. If God could give me life everyday, couldn't I in turn give someone hope? She just kept thanking me with tears as I walked away.

But. God. I felt the call to go and get her a gift card to Starbucks. As I did I got the pleasure to meet the store manager of that particular Target. I asked her to give that gift card to Stephanie after I left the store. I included a little note card our church had given us to hand out that said, "Just a little something extra to show how much God loves you." I ended up buying two actually and told the manager to give the other gift card to someone she felt could really use it.

Finally. The big day arrived. I barely slept that night. It was like I was waiting for Christmas! My first stop would be to Kaidance's school, but not after I took a morning picture with her!

We arrived at CCA at 7:30am. My best friend Christin would be joining me as I went about my day so we got there early to meet up. The only person knew that I was going to be feeding the entire faculty was the principal. When I got there and told them I needed space for muffins, and donuts, and juice and milk they were so surprised. Not to mention it was Friday and I'm sure they were all READY for the weekend!

The coolest part about the CCA project was that my daughter and her two friends (whom we carpool with) got to experience giving and generosity too. They helped us carry all the supplies in and set up. They were eager to help and were excited to feed their teachers! It was a huge success! There was lots of conversations and lots of, "We should be doing this for you," but please let me remind you...it's not about me. It's about sharing God's love and HIS generous spirit!

Restore to me the joy of Your salvation, And uphold me by Your generous Spirit. Psalm 51:12 

I appreciate all that the principal and staff do for my child and the other students!

Next, after a half hour search for my keys that were in a trash bag (and binding up the enemy ha ha!) I headed off to Starbucks for breakfast. The neat thing about having my best friend there was that not only did I have camera help but I got to spoil her! It's about not just being generous to other people but to those around you who impact your every day life! She was the one in my world I wanted to share generosity with too!

After grabbing a cup ourselves and some breakfast (I was too excited to eat, ha ha) we met Kathy. Kathy had a daughter just slightly older than me and cried when I paid for her coffee. She kept saying, "We need more people like you in this world," and I semi-agree. What we truly need is more Christ-like behavior and love. We need people who aren't afraid to share God's goodness with others. Don't be a goodness hoarder. Give it away.

After Kathy we met "in a rush guy." I didn't get his name, didn't talk to him much, just paid for his coffee. He was shocked and surprised and said, "What an awesome thing. Thank you. I didn't have time this morning to make it at home." God's got him.

Then we met Candy. Candy had just come off a night shift working. She looked exhausted. She was there for a quick pick me up on her way home to do a few things and then sleep. She was so appreciative. I am so glad she got a little smile after such a long night.

Next, we went to visit Jen. Jen is a teacher at Newell Elementary school. She rocks. 

Jen is not just my friend. She's a hard working student and a rock star volunteer. I bought her a bag of gifts and then surprised the faculty staff with freshly baked cookies! They even let me tour the back area and I got to meet the principal (who so kindly offered me a job!). 

After an awesome time laughing we headed over to the Ronald McDonald house. We were going to bring a ton of donations and also get a tour of the house. We are so thankful of all that we got to deliver! So was the house. We met a ton of beautiful people who devote their life to serving. They understand what it means to be moved with compassion and to live a life of generosity everyday without complaint.

Debbie, one of my favorite volunteers, was crying as I shared my story. She was so moved that it was my birthday but what she didn't realize is that she touched me and moved me with her story. She's never worked. She's devoted her entire life to volunteering in hospitals in the areas she has lived. What a true leader and inspiration! 

The tour of the Ronald McDonald house was fantastic. I've personally decided to volunteer once a month and do more donation funding for them (blog post on that VERY soon). The quote wall was beyond touching and I cried standing there (and now) just thankful for all God has given me, so that I could give it back.

At the end of the tour we got to ask Ari the director questions. She answered them all truthfully and lovingly and then I took a picture with her and another volunteer Marty. Marty is a replica of what I am going to be as a senior citizen. She was so fun!

This was our last stop. And it was well worth it. Throughout the rest of the day I was able to do little deeds (like leaving an awesome tip for our waitress at lunch) but truly I was the blessed one. God has given me way more than I could EVER ask for. He doesn't ask for much in return. 

I received this card today from Ari. It touched me because it will be a consistent reminder of how important it is to be intentionally generous. Someone needs you and someone needs your obedience. 

This 26th birthday was by far the greatest birthday I've ever had. It was because I decided to take the focus off of me and put it on Him. I have decided to make this an annual thing and will trust that God will make it bigger and bigger every year. I hope in 2014 to do a deed once a day, even a small one, so that others will learn to pay it forward and my children will learn about generosity.

So...it wasn't about me. It wasn't about, "Hey! Look at that wonderful girl." It's about Him. It's always been about Him and it's about others knowing that God cares for them much more than I ever could. Lets ban together folks. Lets ban together and leave a legacy of generosity. When people look back on this generation and those to come let them see a noticeable change in our giving. Lets do this intentionally and with joy. It will change YOUR life.

Blessings,

Meg

Perfection

We live in a world that is obsessed with perfection. Even those who think they aren't can at times find themselves obsessing over something, wanting it to be perfect. That could be a relationship, their body, a situation. The types of things you can obsess about becoming perfect are endless. This is not just for the natural perfectionist either. It's for the mom who wants to be perfect at mothering her children, the wife who wants to be perfect, the business owner who thinks he must made a certain quota. We don't like failure.

This past week God has been speaking to me deeply about the choice of my words towards my children. Words hold the power of life and death. We can speak to our children and raise them up in life or we can break them by speaking words that bring death. Even a simple, "Leave me alone I'm busy. Go away I'm doing something..." can be detrimental to a child's simple thought life.

Not just my kids though. Anyone. If I'm not careful with what I say I could leave a bad influence or impression on anyone that I come in contact with. Seems like a lot of pressure right?

My eldest daughter struggles (yes, at five years) with some issue of self-confidence. She'll ask me questions about herself and I would normally reply, "Kaidance. Why do you think that? God made you perfect." This normally would suffice her for a few days and then she would come back and we would have another conversation about something she was struggling with and again after a few moments of discussion my final reply would be, "But Kaidance! God made you perfect. Don't fret."

How wrong were my choice of words. God brought to my attention that this reply wasn't what she was seeking nor was it what He was asking me to give. Kaidance is not perfect. She is human. She is flesh. And when we were born we were born into sin. Christ is the only human that lived that was perfect. Perfect literally means perfect; having all the required or desirable elements, qualities, or characteristics; as good as it is possible to be.

As much as I'd like to admit to you that Kaidance is as good as it possible can be, she isn't. She makes mistakes. She sins. I make mistakes. I sin. It hit me like a ton of bricks when my eyes were opened and I began to see something clearly in teaching her about herself.

My reply changed.

"Kaidance, you are not perfect honey. But God created you in a very specific manner. He created you and knows you and loves you just the way you are. There is only one Kaidance Jade and no one else exactly like you."

Since we have had this conversation she hasn't approached me or talked negatively about herself. You see as simple as it sounds, as much as you may already know it, do you really know it? Do you really believe it? God doesn't expect perfection. God knitted you in the womb. (Psalm 139). He covered you while you were forming. He knows the very minor hairs on your head. He loves you because He created you, not because He expects perfection.

So breathe today. Breathe because you can rest confidently in the truth that God loves you and that just as He knows your strengths He knows and sees your weaknesses. That He sent a helper for you, the Holy Spirit, to help you when you are weak and imperfect. When you have a relationship with Christ you realize just how imperfect you are, and that it is by Christ growing in you and you removing your flesh that you become the impact and influence people need and desire.

Don't reach for perfection. You will never find it. Reach for Christ who's perfect love can be manifested in you.

Birthday Outreach

My 26th birthday is coming up. I am extremely excited. Not just because it's my birthday but because this year I am doing something totally different than any of my other birthdays! This year I didn't want it to be all about me. I wanted to be blessed by seeing others blessed. I got together with my best friend Christin and told her my idea and asked her to come along side me on my special day.

So why am I blogging? I want to document of course! Some of the events I'm going to keep secret for now (I promise to blog with pictures after) and others I want to share because it's going to take not just me, but the community, to help me complete my birthday project.

One of the biggest pieces we are doing on this day is going to the Ronald McDonald house and hospital to visit cancer patients and their families. The staff at the Ronald McDonald house cannot wait to help me celebrate and said that they are in dire need of supplies for the families there. I am putting together 10 (yes, TEN) big goodie bags for 10 families and then bringing 10 brand new teddy bears for 10 of their patients.

This is where I NEED your help. I am needing donations of goodie bag supplies as well as teddy bears for these children. Would you consider, as a gift to honor life, giving something off this wish list? If you are at walmart couldn't you just add a few extra items? I need all of these items by Thursday, November 21st.

Please consider helping by picking something off this list and donating it. I can even pick items up!

BATH/BODY PRODUCTS:

• Band aids
• Blow Dryers
• Body Wash (Travel Size) (at least 10)
• Deodorant (Travel Size) (at least 10)
• Feminine Hygiene Products (at least 10)
• Floss (Travel Size) (at least 10)
• Hand Sanitizer (Travel Size) (at least 10)
• Razors (at least 10)
• Shaving Cream (Travel Size) (at least 10)
• Slippers (at least 10)
• Robes (at least 10)

I need at least 10 - 12 new teddy bears. They have to be new so the kids don't get sick from contaminated used items.

Also the Ronald McDonald staff said they NEED pantry items. Canned goods, juice boxes, etc. Anything you keep in your pantry.

Please consider helping me out by helping a small part of your community! :)

Be blessed.

Meg

O HOLY NIGHT

(PSSST. Click the song below so it plays while you read!)

Christmas is coming! Who's excited? I love Christmas. Christmas is such an amazing time of the year because it's a time where families come together, yummy food is eaten, gifts are giving and a lot of people in need are reached out to. 

You see I have a totally different view point of Christmas these days. I listen to Christmas music like it's going out of style and so many of the songs are worships songs to Christ (think classics here). Santa baby doesn't fall in this category. ;) They speak to my heart and they open my eyes to Christmas in times when my eyes seem so focused or stressed on the wrong ideas of what Christmas is about.

You see long ago before the first Christmas hope was lost. The soul was weary and felt worthless. People walked around and prayed earnestly for a savior. The world was covered in sin but instead of there being hope that this sin could be lifted and that there was more it was being smothered. Put out. 

Then the big news arrived! 

Luke 2:10-12 Then the angel said to them (the shepherds), "Do not be afraid, for BEHOLD, I bring you good tidings of great joy which will be to all people. For there is born to you this day in the city of David a savior, who is Christ the Lord. And this will be the sign to you: You will find a babe in swaddling clothes wrapped and lying in a manger." 

Stop for me. Read it out loud. Those two verses are some of the most powerful Christmas verses you can imagine. The word behold means to "see, or observe," these shepherds were being told to "see." What are they seeing? Not just a baby. They are seeing the savior of this world. Hope. When Christ was born, hope was reborn. 

The song O HOLY NIGHT talks about this glorious moment when Christ came into this world. "Till he appeared and the soul felt it's worth, a thrill of hope the weary world rejoices."

This weary world needs to hear this message this Christmas. What can you do inside of your family and outside the four walls of your family to spread this message? Christmas is not a DAY. It's a way of living. We should be living like it's Christmas EVERY single day of the year. This Christmas, as it's not far away, what can you do to share Jesus? 

Be blessed.

Divorcee

I've been married twice. Tony is my second husband, I am his first wife. While I feel honored that Tony saved this position for me I cringe when I think of him being my second. I never wanted to be a statistic nor have I ever wanted to have children in a blended family. However, I am human, sinful, and selfish. I made horrible, sinful, and selfish decisions that have led me to this point.

So, what's the point? Sometimes when I talk about marriage to others it seems as though I should be the LAST person to talk about the subject because I am a divorcee. In my defense though, I really started feeling a "pressure" and a leading to be more open about what I learned from my divorce. I wanted to take a few moments and share with you a few things that could help you, or someone you know, who is in a divorce or who has been through a divorce, is considering a divorce, or even is in a separation.

1. Don't sign anything until you have tried everything
God hates divorce. Coming from someone who has experienced this painful event I can first hand say I understand why God hates divorce. Divorce is like a funeral. Your marriage dies and in some ways you feel as though you have lost a loved one from death. I do think there are certain circumstances that can warrant immediate physical separation (physical abuse to you or your children, affair,) but I also think that our God is powerful and is still in the healing business. And by that I mean an emotional healer.

I had exhausted all attempts to repair my marriage the day I asked my ex-husband to leave. Without the grim details the relationship involved serious abusive situations that had began to affect my daughter. I couldn't live with that anymore, nor could she. With that said, asking him and seeing my ex-husband leave was like watching someone be buried. I cried for days and lost 7lbs in the first four days in our separation. I could barely eat, sleep, or function.

So, while divorce may happen (or has already happened! We are getting there, promise!) know that before you make anything official there ARE resources for you. Counseling, prayer, pastors, family. Explore and research what's around you and speak to your spouse about what you can both do to help your situation improve or even save your marriage.

2. Give yourself time to heal; even if you think you are ready to date, you probably aren't. 

I must admit that my biggest mistake after my divorce was not taking time for myself and my daughter to heal. It's not that I'm against dating while separated or that I don't believe that you can meet your second spouse shortly after, I just believe that dating should have and should be one of the last things on your mind.

I had mentioned that divorce was like a death. This became extremely real to me when my daughter began public school this year. It just so happened that my ex-husband's niece was in sixth grade at my daughters school. I hadn't seen this girl since she was eight! She was beautiful. I was in tears and when I said hello I thought for sure she wouldn't remember me. But SHE DID. And she ran over to me and said, "MEGAN! I miss you!" And I walked to my car after chatting for a moment and bawled my eyes out.

You see in a divorce you don't just lose your spouse. You lose an entire family. I grew to sincerely love my ex-husbands family. Particularly I felt a loss towards my father-in-law. I never had a good fatherly figure and really enjoyed the time and relationship I had developed with him and even my mother-in-law. These people really disliked me now. Even more so after a heated custody battle. The fact though is that I loved them and part of me still loves them and part of me still can barely talk about them without wanting to cry.

So, take time to grieve. Take time to heal. Get professional counseling. They CAN help. Join a divorce support group. I highly recommend Divorce Care! Even if it's been several years it's never too late to find help or counseling or even support group care after a divorce.

Also give your children time to grieve. They lost a family too. Divorce Care offers help for children after a divorce (ages 5+). If you have younger children consider play therapy. It helps! Make yourself and your children (if you have them) top priority after God.

3. Listen to your children. 
My daughter was two when I separated from her dad. While she couldn't really discuss her feelings her play and behavior told me it all. Divorce is hard even on toddlers. If you have children and your divorce is amicable I highly recommend going through a mediator and working out a custody plan that is best for the CHILD. Make it stable, consistent, and talk frequently with your ex-husband/wife about child/ren related issues.

If you have older children listen to them. Allow them to grieve the loss of their mom and dad being married. My current husband is from a divorced family and has shared his feelings on his parents divorcing when he was older. It still hurts. Don't force your pre-teen or teen to love a new man or woman just because you want to date or want to remarry. Allow things to cook slowly, allow the flavor to fuse, like wine does as it ages.

Get family counseling. I cannot stress this enough. Counseling does not mean you are weak. Counseling encourages growth and helps you when you are stuck or not sure what to do or where to go. Read your Bible frequently, pray, and encourage your children to continue on in a routine. ALWAYS be open to talking about their feelings and their pair no matter how hard it is to hear it. Divorce is a traumatic experience and will take time to heal from.

4. When you are ready to date go slow. 
This is where I will stop for now. When you are ready to date again, please, go slow. Don't rush into a relationship because you are lonely or you want help with your kids or it feels good. It will feel good and exciting but it can be a tangled mess if you rush it.

I encourage those who are interested in re-marriage after a divorce to read The Smart Stepfamily by Ron Deal. It will help you if you are in a more serious relationship and are considering marriage and wonder where you and your new partner fit in together with each others families.

I've learned a lot from being a divorcee. The last biggest thing is that I NEVER WANT to experience that again. It encourages me to push forward in my current marriage and to work through it no matter what may come about. God loves you. God loves family and He loves when families are set in Him. There is hope for you today no matter what your situation.

Blessings,

Meg

Dance in the Rain

Last week there was a point in the day where it rained. When I say rained too I don't mean drizzle. It came down hard. It was just a bleak type of day all day that day. I was feeling lazy, unmotivated, lacking. I was some what down thinking about something from my past that was nagging at me. It was something I've forgiven someone for but the pain is still quite fresh for me.

As I sat in the still of this rain I took note of the way the earth and nature responded to it. While the rain pounded to the ground the trees, flowers, plants all lifted themselves to the sky. I'm sure the rain hurt, right? These drops were not light or misty, they were hard and coming down fast. Why would anything reach for something that could potentially cause it pain?

Perhaps these living beings knew something I didn't? Maybe they were more courageous than I?  I was reminded of how at times in our lives God uses painful situations, even tragedy, to draw us closer to Him. Not that He is always the cause because we are still sinful humans and make mistakes, but with anything God can turn it into good for those who love them, right?

Right. I truly believe these plants were dancing n the rain. They understood that if they allowed themselves to be soaked on, rained on, even feeling slight pain, that in the end when the rain stopped they would be refreshed. Filled. Satisfied. Why? Because they were created to TRUST that their maker knew what He was doing (and He does) and that this pain and this moment would raise them and grow them.

Literally as I sat there staring out my window the rain began to slow and the clouds began to move away. The sun came out and all was "normal" and sunny again. The plants now filled to the brim seem to take a "normal" stance.

Lets remember this important message today. Even though this season in your life might be challenging you (those plants can't get up and walk away), making you uncomfortable, or even causing pain - don't walk away. Don't give up. Reach towards the sky. Embrace the rain and dance in it. When it's over, I promise you will be filled.

Blessings,

Meg

To the Fatherless Son

I volunteer with my church (Freedom House Church) in the Planet Zion group which is first thru third grade kids; I am an apprentice as well in the kids ministry and volunteer and work every Saturday and Sunday. Some of the stories and things I hear from the kids are some what normal and others BLOW ME AWAY. Ultimately you are going to hear things that make you happy, sad and then weird you out a bit....like the time a child told me his dogs farts stink! EWWW.

However today, I was brought to my knees by something a brother and sister told me. While we were waiting in car line the little girl randomly said, "Ms. Meg, my daddy is at work." I thought it was chit chat and said, "Oh neat! What does your daddy do for work?" She replied, "I don't know. He works for a long time." Suddenly her big brother (a year older) popped over and so truthfully stated, "Ms. Meg, we don't have a dad. I'm her brother."

Well, at first I was dumbfounded. I figured the little girl was old enough to at least know who her dad was when before I could question silently anything else he continues on. "Our dad left us and our mom.She cries a lot. Sometimes he comes to visit us on Saturdays but sometimes not."

This boy, this son, had the saddest look on his face. I was (putting it frank here) angry for him. I understand marital issues (trust me!) but there is a big difference in having issues and just up and leaving. I got down face-to-face with this young man and said, "Sweet boy, you know that Jesus is your father too? That He is the perfect father and that even though your earthly father isn't always there, Jesus is. You know that, right?" He just looked me straight in the eye and said, "I guess," and walked away. The response tattooed something deep into my heart and so for that I wanted to present this letter. This letter is intended for the dad to the fatherless, and to the son. I know these feelings all too well as my biological father left me when I was in utero and the man that was in my life while I was child abused me in so many ways emotional and spiritual.

Dear Dad to the Fatherless Son,

I am so angry with you today. I'm angry that you felt that the only want to deal with your marital issues, or personal issues, or whatever issues you were having was to up and leave your family; but more importantly your children. Do you know what no matter what I could say to him he will struggle with the thought that his dad left him to be the sole man in his home? You may say, "Oh he doesn't need to be a man, he's just a boy." But what you don't realize is that when you walked out you placed a responsibility on this boy's shoulder that is not his at this time. 

Not only am I angry with you but my heart breaks for you. Your son is bright. He's handsome and he's funny. Do you know he raised his hand today to make a pledge to be honest? Do you know that he laughed at my jokes? You could be telling him jokes, teaching them to him, so that he could pass them on. 

Do you know that your son wants to play ball? I'm sure you do. I'm sure you think about your children daily, and if you don't, I pray you start. Your son loves you. He was telling me about the short visits you two have and that he wishes sometimes they were longer but that he tries to understand.

Do you know, dad to the hopeful son, that it's never too late to change things. It's never too late to come back home or to even at least return back to your child's life. I'm a hopeful daughter. My biological father left me, but if he came back and wanted a relationship now or to mend things I would. Why? Because every child wants to know their parent in a way. Where they came from or who they are from their family line. 

God chose you, dad, to be this child's parent. If you feel like a failure, you are not. We ALL make mistakes. I have three kids of my own and even though I fail daily, I know that God choose me because he knew I was the perfect fit (not perfect person, but the perfect fit) for them. 

So....it's not too late. I'm here to help your child in a way that is subtle. Through a smile and a hug each Sunday, through praying for them (I pray for all of my PZ kids before they leave), and teaching them the Bible. 

My prayer is that God will bring people in your life that will tell you exactly this. That will share Christ' love for you. Because despite our poor choices, God loves you. 

Electricity

This past two weeks I've been challenged in something difficult in my prayer life. Without going into details on who this person is, it is someone that impacted my life deeply in 2012 and honestly, I dislike them very much. Someone looking from the outside in would say, "This person is an enemy and only wanted to see your downfall and life turn to ash."

But....something happened. God began to put it on my heart to pray for them. Not just that. Everywhere I went I saw this person's name. "So and so's pizza parlor," and "So and so's florist shop," I even heard it in televisions shows and movies! I seriously wrestled with my flesh. "Why Lord?! Don't you know what this person has done?! HAVEN'T YOU SEEN the wreckage they caused?"

Then the same verse kept creeping up everywhere. Matthew 5:44. Matttttthew 5:44. Matthhhhhhew 5:44. 

Matthew 5:44 says, "But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you..."

Say whhhhhat? "Love this person?" Come on. "Bless them?!" Seriously? "Do good?" No! Pray for those who use you and persecute you?! NO NO NO NO.

Then my spirit heard this. "What powers you, Megan? Scripture or flesh? My Spirit or your hate?" I looked up and seriously saw this gorgeous scene. Power lines running to and from giving electricity to tons of things around me. I give off electricity. You give off electricity. Are we giving off electricity that is good? I felt myself saying...

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

This verse continued to weigh on my heart. In all honesty I ignored the Lord's cry for me to pray for this person in the beginning. But He wouldn't let it go and after seeing these lines and hearing this word I decided to pray. And so while driving home from a meeting one day I did. And I CRIED. I cried and I cried and I cried. And it was natural because I knew what the spirit wanted me to say. I felt such a deep sadness for this person and just blessed them. Asked God to touch them, to send people to them, and to minister to them.

This is someone I have no contact with so I will truly never know if that prayer "helped," but you know what? I was obedient (finally) and that is all I'm called to do.

Today, as difficult as something might be, be obedient. You never know what electricity you might give to someone who needs it. That person's power may be out. So be electric. BE ELECTRIC.

Blessings,

Meg

Dedication to the Lord

Dedication is very special to my heart. All of my children have been and will be (if we have more) dedicated to the Lord. We are non-denominational and do not believe in baptising an infant. Baptism is a choice by someone who has already made Christ their savior. Baptism is an outward symbol that shows, "I have made this choice personally to die to self and follow Christ."

In all reality, dedicating a child to Christ weighs more responsibility on the parent/s then anyone else (including the child).

In 1 Samuel 1 we see the story of Hannah. Hannah had a closed womb. Her "sisterwife" (Hannah's husband had two wives) Peninnah did have children though and taunted Hannah literally into tears. This story is all full of disrespect and a bit of humor (at what Elkanah says to Hannah, claiming that he should be enough to suffice her instead of a son). Overall, Hannah wanted a son. Even though her husband thought that he should be enough I can relate and say that the love for a son is entirely different than a love for a husband.

God grants Hannah's prayer (take THAT Peninnah, ha ha) and Hannah did what she said she was going to do and gave Samuel back to the Lord (1 Samuel 1:19-27). Back in that day Hannah actually brought Samuel to Eli to live with him. What a sacrifice!

So we have chosen, as it is our belief, to give our children back to the Lord. We vow to raise them in God's word, in the church, and to pray for him daily (without ceasing).

Joseph's day of dedication was beyond special. My family came up and supported me and as much as my husband wanted to be there he was stuck on the train. It was still amazing and Joseph was so smiley and happy. A good friend, leader, and mentor prayed over him and the vow was made.

I, of course, cried like a blubbering baby. His birth, now his dedication, so many milestones already in such a short time. It is a peaceful reminder of all of the things we have to look forward to with this wonderful boy.