No More Idols

Let it go....let it go....God I am so sick of hearing that song. It plays every where and gets stuck in your head at the worst moment. No, I'm not letting it go. Well I'm letting this song go. But nothing else.

This has been my attitude for years. On one certain issue that I was hoarding. It was mine. No one could take it, steal it, make me give it up. No, not even the Lord.

I was "stuck" in a spell. I was emotionally attached to someone. It was unhealthy for me but I held on because this relationship was a hope for me regarding love and romance. I thought the picture that was painted (sadly by my own hands) was what true love and romance was. That if I let go of this connection (I am talking 15 years of emotional attachment) that I would never experience another connection like this. I mean, come on, who LOVES someone for 15 years without ever knowing if that person loves you back?

Me.

    I'm crazy. I love so deeply that it blinds me to reality. This connection was not even rooted in any kind of sexual or physical sense either. Why? We had never done anything sexual or physical. It was completely motivated by a chemistry and connection intellectually. Emotionally.

        It's not about sex for me. Sex is great in the right context { married people say "AMEN!" } but for me the foreplay of anything physical comes from a connection emotionally, spiritually, and intellectually. { Is it ok that I'm being real here? Using words like foreplay and sex? }

I'm taking a risk and being bold but these subjects have to be talked about. I know I can't be the only one that hasn't let something "go."

//

Several times in those years I heard God say, "Let it go." { God created those lyrics you know....} But I couldn't. I would literally argue with Him.

"You don't understand Lord. YOU DON'T. He's never hurt me. He cares for me. He's always been there. Over the years we've always found our way back." Because all of the men in my life has hurt me, abused me, taken advantage, and this guy hadn't I wanted to hold on to the only perception of love in the natural that I could....But than it got serious.

In late September I joined a small group by a good friend of mine Danny. The VERY first meet, the meet and greet, the conviction of God came so strongly over me that I cried the entire way home. I couldn't shake this conviction. Every where I went God would confirm with me that it was time. That I needed to do it. // Now, He was being daddy. He spoke to me clearly and said that I had allowed this person to become an addiction.

An idol.

          He was a drug. Whenever life got lonely, bad, happy, whatever....I would inject thoughts of this relationship and it's possibilities or even memories into my mind and would get a "high" off of those thoughts.

Don't be confused....I really cared about this person. I even loved him. I love people a lot as it is but when I really love someone I give my entire being. It can be very overwhelming to some; especially those that don't understand that I don't just love to love. Those who I am vulnerable with are special. I don't get vulnerable often.

 The Lord told me that night, clearly, to cut off this relationship. Not just that, but He told me some other very specific things that I needed to change. He wanted to take me deeper, bring me closer, make me completely new. Life was about to get REAL ya'll.

So I did what any other addict would do. I ignored Him and kept His instruction to let go to myself. I went an ENTIRE week without mentioning His instructions to anyone.

Then the next meeting came. And I shared with the group (Aaron and Danny mainly) what God had asked of me. And Aaron, being Aaron, made mention of how I distrust the Lord. By not letting it go I was saying, "God, I don't trust that you have my best interest at heart." God knew I needed Aaron when I did because now the conviction { and accountability to being obedient } was even stronger.

But still. I held on to it. I didn't let it go. I didn't remove him from facebook or my phone. Even though we hadn't talked in a long time....I knew I had a constant way of contact if I needed it. It was comfortable.

But then God. God gave me a dream and I shared it with my two friends. And Aaron, again being Aaron, said...."..So apparently you are willing to do whatever it takes to save others but when it comes to you there are still idols...?"

 Yes. I hate seeing others hurt. I want to help. But my own life? I thought I knew what was best. I was so wrong and deceived and through a broken heart and weepy tears I let it go. Reading Aaron's words were super powerful because I felt completely exposed. I felt like Aaron could see my soul. It made me want to run.

You see I was using the idea of this relationship and of possibly loving this guy and him loving me as an idol to keep faith in love in general. But JESUS is love. He is the ONLY love I can learn from. The only love I can lean in.

Someone today needs to do what I do. You need to know that it's going to be ok. I'm not even a week in to letting it go and the excitement I feel for the new season ahead is beyond what I can describe. I have no idea why I did this now. After 15 years of saying no why now. What is so different now. I'm more mature, sure, but something came over me so strongly that first night....and never left me. I felt God saying, "Meg, you have to. The time cannot wait any longer."

It's time my friend. Whomever you are, whatever you are hoarding, it's time to let it go. God will never ask you to give up something just because. He always knows what's best for you, and will always provide for you. For me I needed to learn that what I thought was love wasn't even what it was. It was an unhealthy idea of love and now I can re-learn what love is by pressing into my true love and lover, Jesus.

I also want to encourage you that if you are letting go of a relationship or a person sometimes depending on the circumstances a conversation is not always necessary. If it's an unhealthy dating relationship just tell them, "Look, God is calling me away from this." If it's a situation like mine remove them from social media. Delete them from your phone.

If it's an addiction or a sin, find accountability. Join a support group. Surround yourself with people who will HELP you let it go. When you finally do, HAVE A PARTY. This is a big deal. This unhealthy soul tie I've carried for 15 years released me for something so great God hasn't even shared it with me yet. { God I can't wait to find out all the secrets }

Now that I've let it go. I'm waiting. I have no idea for what. But God has giving me two words for this new season: patience & hope. So I'm going to focus on those. Patience and hope.

What is God giving to you, asking you to take away? Let it go.