The Great Wedding

From the time I was young, like most young girls, I dreamt of my wedding day. Not the children. Not the house. Not the career. I dreamed of my prince. I wondered what he would look like, how he would smell, what he would be like and if he'd love me as much as I felt like I already loved him.

I knew what colors I wanted my theme to be, how I wanted my hair, and what my wedding day attire would be. I wasn't your average girl though. I didn't crave glitz and glamour. I graved a chemistry, a passion, a desire for one another. I craved something deep.

Then I found myself in a place where my first marriage ended. It was a bad, abusive situation and I felt set free from the bondage of slavery when I started healing from it.

I had two children (One from my ex-husband and one from my current husband) and found myself wondering how I made things so twisted.

Then I met my current husband Tony. I thought things surely are going to be different. I won't fall into this generational cycle of man after man; men who hurt me and take advantage of my passion and my desire to want something deeper.

Sadly, I am now "alone" again. In a season of frustration I just cried out to God.....WHY?! The dream wedding I had always desired....it's never going to happen.

You see I always wanted to marry my spouse in a beautiful ceremony near some gorgeous waterfall in the woods. It would be an intimate ceremony with our family and a few select close friends surrounding us. We would proclaim our love for Christ and our love for one another and than after sharing our vows and saying "I do" we would jump.

Why jump? I know that marriage is not easy. Marriage can be fun. Marriage can bring you into a place of the unknown. And marriage is risky. But as long as you and your spouse are there for one another, and you go together, move together, than you can make it. If Christ is at the center, it's almost impossible for it end in a divorce. Will you hurt? Absolutely. Will you need to forgive often? Yes. But with Christ, He can help you in all of that.

The waterfall has yet to happen. The attire not ordered. The men just keep leaving. I relate to beauty and the beast not because I am Belle but because I feel like the Beast. An ugly creature stuck in a spell.

Then God. Yes, my precious heavenly father got a hold of me this week. He gently nudged me and said, "You have to break this cycle." I prayed fervently and repented on behalf of previous generations and said, "No more." It's extremely difficult for me because as "hard core" as I seem, and I am, I desire so deeply to have that earthly marriage that you so often hear about in movies. The romance that knocks people off their feet. And a man who just wants to be with me because he loves me and not because he wants anything.

Then the Lord had me come across this verse.

2 Corinthians 11:2-3 For I am jealous for you with godly jealousy. For I have betrothed you to one husband, that I may present you as a chaste virgin to Christ. But I fear, lest somehow, as the serpent deceived Eve by his craftiness, so your mind may be corrupted from the simplicity that is in Christ.

I had been deceived. I thought....I'll never have that wedding. I'll never have that man. But Jesus was saying, "Meg, you had me all along! I've been here all along. I love you." Jesus is the greatest lover any woman could ever ask for.

I'm resolved.

           If I were to be alone on this earth for the remainder of my days.

                         I will be fine.

I will be happy. I will be joy filled. I will have peace. Because I am planning the greatest wedding of all time. The return of my prince. My lover. My king! He is coming to take me home and I need to be ready. I have much to do to prepare for His arrival. The wedding of the eternity and this guy, this King, has chosen me. He's chosen ME. He loves ME. He desires ME.

And He wants you.

If the earthly stuff comes, great, if not, great too. I'm finally in a season where I realize my worth. My value to Him. It's so freeing. You can have this. Any of you. He wants you too.

New Season

God's timing is always perfect.

No. Really. It is.

For the last three years I've poured my entire ministry devotion into the kids ministry at my local church. Serving pretty much every weekend to the kids in some sort of fashion. I know this is what God was calling me into and what He was telling me to do. Those kids taught me more about God, myself, and confidence then anyone or anything I've ever done. They loved me with a pure Christ like love that I have never experienced before serving them.

But God has called me away and I've stepped down from my position in Leadership at FHKids as well as moved away from serving in FHKids It's time for something new.

What is this newness? What is God asking of me?

Just as we are entering into the start of Autumn and things around us will begin to die and fall off (God prunes nature throughout the seasons) God is bringing me into the exact same season. He is pruning me. Some of this means a shift in relationships (letting go of some or setting boundaries in others), He's calling me to step out and do things I didn't think I'd do for a long time (getting a part-time job working outside of my business and home)...

So many pieces that God is shifting. It can be painful. 

But I wanted you to hear this from me. This is good for me. This is a good season. And while pruning hurts I am going to come out in the Spring time after these next few months stronger, bolder, and more refreshed than ever. 

I love the fact that Autumn is such a beautiful and colorful season too. I love how right before everything dies in Winter and becomes so bare it SCREAMS life. What is more colorful than bright red, orange, and yellow leaves? It says, "Look at me!" It's as though God is saying, "LOOK AT ME!" Sometimes our focus is so much on what we are doing and not the person we should be doing it for (this can be for anyone not just our walk with the Lord) that we miss why we are doing what we are doing. I'm taking my focus more off of the what and focusing on the who.

God knows my heart well because while He's pulled me away from serving in kids ministry He hasn't pulled me away from serving entirely. To be honest I believe that would be unbiblical. We are to be servants all the time; in our families, in our communities, even in our church.

I'm moving more towards community service and delivering God's great love and what He's done in my life to those who are far less fortunate. It starts with my birthday charity project and will just extend from there. I also have chosen not to serve as much. My community projects will take up less time giving me the opportunity to focus on my children, my work, and my walk. I feel excited. I know that God doesn't ever just put us through a difficult and challenging season without using that for His glory.

So while I won't see your kiddos every weekend know that I will continue to pray for them daily and weekly like I did before. God has given me a fresh and clear vision of this next year and I'm extremely excited to see where He brings me within this colorful season.