The Great Wedding

From the time I was young, like most young girls, I dreamt of my wedding day. Not the children. Not the house. Not the career. I dreamed of my prince. I wondered what he would look like, how he would smell, what he would be like and if he'd love me as much as I felt like I already loved him.

I knew what colors I wanted my theme to be, how I wanted my hair, and what my wedding day attire would be. I wasn't your average girl though. I didn't crave glitz and glamour. I graved a chemistry, a passion, a desire for one another. I craved something deep.

Then I found myself in a place where my first marriage ended. It was a bad, abusive situation and I felt set free from the bondage of slavery when I started healing from it.

I had two children (One from my ex-husband and one from my current husband) and found myself wondering how I made things so twisted.

Then I met my current husband Tony. I thought things surely are going to be different. I won't fall into this generational cycle of man after man; men who hurt me and take advantage of my passion and my desire to want something deeper.

Sadly, I am now "alone" again. In a season of frustration I just cried out to God.....WHY?! The dream wedding I had always desired....it's never going to happen.

You see I always wanted to marry my spouse in a beautiful ceremony near some gorgeous waterfall in the woods. It would be an intimate ceremony with our family and a few select close friends surrounding us. We would proclaim our love for Christ and our love for one another and than after sharing our vows and saying "I do" we would jump.

Why jump? I know that marriage is not easy. Marriage can be fun. Marriage can bring you into a place of the unknown. And marriage is risky. But as long as you and your spouse are there for one another, and you go together, move together, than you can make it. If Christ is at the center, it's almost impossible for it end in a divorce. Will you hurt? Absolutely. Will you need to forgive often? Yes. But with Christ, He can help you in all of that.

The waterfall has yet to happen. The attire not ordered. The men just keep leaving. I relate to beauty and the beast not because I am Belle but because I feel like the Beast. An ugly creature stuck in a spell.

Then God. Yes, my precious heavenly father got a hold of me this week. He gently nudged me and said, "You have to break this cycle." I prayed fervently and repented on behalf of previous generations and said, "No more." It's extremely difficult for me because as "hard core" as I seem, and I am, I desire so deeply to have that earthly marriage that you so often hear about in movies. The romance that knocks people off their feet. And a man who just wants to be with me because he loves me and not because he wants anything.

Then the Lord had me come across this verse.

2 Corinthians 11:2-3 For I am jealous for you with godly jealousy. For I have betrothed you to one husband, that I may present you as a chaste virgin to Christ. But I fear, lest somehow, as the serpent deceived Eve by his craftiness, so your mind may be corrupted from the simplicity that is in Christ.

I had been deceived. I thought....I'll never have that wedding. I'll never have that man. But Jesus was saying, "Meg, you had me all along! I've been here all along. I love you." Jesus is the greatest lover any woman could ever ask for.

I'm resolved.

           If I were to be alone on this earth for the remainder of my days.

                         I will be fine.

I will be happy. I will be joy filled. I will have peace. Because I am planning the greatest wedding of all time. The return of my prince. My lover. My king! He is coming to take me home and I need to be ready. I have much to do to prepare for His arrival. The wedding of the eternity and this guy, this King, has chosen me. He's chosen ME. He loves ME. He desires ME.

And He wants you.

If the earthly stuff comes, great, if not, great too. I'm finally in a season where I realize my worth. My value to Him. It's so freeing. You can have this. Any of you. He wants you too.