So part of my story is damaging because most times it was men that I would allow to speak these negative things. Men would degrade my personality, my physical style and dress, my dreams; the enemy knew that I had a sensitive spot for my affirmation from them and thus used these guys to try and tear me down.
For a while it worked. I had these horrible conflicting thoughts of whether I was ever going to be good enough. Am I a good enough mom? Woman? Dresser? Photographer? I was told a lot that no one would be able to love me in a certain way because I was just too much. I would love too deep and that I would never find someone who could love me in this way. That it would always be a lonely road. My ex-husband used to say that no one would love me because I had a child, literally trapping me in fear with him.
It was completely exhausting.
As I came up out of this God would bring people into my life that were going through the exact same thing. I realized that too many people allow others to define who they are. I heard countless of stories from both men and women who were trapped in depression over their identity because someone had said they weren't meant to be a musician, that they were not being a good house wife or friend, etc. I'm a burdened in the area of identity and believe that many of what stresses we face are because we are not solid in who we are in Him.
God brought me to a very well known verse in Luke.
Luke 9:18-20
And it happened, as He was alone praying, that His disciples joined Him, and He asked them, saying, “Who do the crowds say that I am?”
So they answered and said, “John the Baptist, but some say Elijah; and others say that one of the old prophets has risen again.”
He said to them, “But who do you say that I am?”
Peter answered and said, “The Christ of God.”
Here we see Jesus talking to His disciples about His own identity. He is asking them, "Who do the crowds say that I am?"
Lets stop there. Isn't this what a lot of people say about themselves as well? You can find a teenager saying, "Who does my boyfriend/girlfriend say that I am? Or my parents or teachers?" You get up in age and than you are asking, "Who does my wife say that I am? My kids?" It's a consistent season of change. You think you are solid but really your identity changes with each season because we find ourselves allowing different people in the different seasons of our lives to define us.
Than Jesus goes on to say, "But who do YOU say that I am?"
We know that it was the Spirit that revealed to Peter what Christ' true identity was. And in that same way God wants to reveal to you, for certain, what your identity in Him is.
Just within this past week God used this verse to say, "Who do I say that you are?" Instead of asking others and pulling from others we have to pull from Him. The closer we get to Him, the more we find out who we are.
If you were only leaning in on your motherhood and than you lost your own only child, you would in essence lose your identity.
I'm in a season of life where my identity has never been so real to me. Even my physical style in clothing, something I always struggled with, just now naturally comes to me. The confidence I have in myself, even when I'm struggling with doubt, is truly freeing. When you are solid in Him, you doubt yourself less because you are hearing Him more.
I encourage you today. Write down the names of five people who have spoken five negative thoughts over you concerning your identity. Write down what those things where and then give them back to God. Rid yourself of them. You could even burn the paper as a symbol of your letting go. Than sing, "Let it go!" (Kidding).
I cannot wait to hear your stories of forgiveness and freedom.
Be blessed,
Meg
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