Arrived Challenge : Day Three

Scripture Reading:

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart,

And lean not on your own understanding;

6 In all your ways acknowledge Him,

And He shall direct your paths.

Devotional Content:

Today is not drawn out. A simple story that can change a perspective.

For a long time growing up I watched all things law involved. Law and Order, CSI, Forensic Files; if it had the law involved, name it I was there. I loved it. I loved trying to figure out the criminal mind and hearing the crazy stories from criminals and FBI profilers. I even used to spend hours reading the crime library. 

This prompted my desire to go to law school and become an attorney. For years this was my goal; my dream. I even did Teen Court and was a defense attorney for the program; after a while I was requested by name. I was good. 

I thought, "If I'm good in a simple teen trial my gosh how much better would I be with training and schooling? As a real attorney?"

Cocky much. Yes. 

But, here I sit today as an infant photographer, single mom, and active Jesus chaser. I blog and sing more than I breathe, I am nothing close to an attorney.

But the other day I photographed a couple with both parents being prominent attorney's in the city where I work. Both were requested by name I'm sure; and both felt very unfulfilled in their jobs. They even commented to me on how "blessed I was" to NOT be an attorney. 

I just stopped. They both shared on how they can financially give their now two kids anything they would ever desire but that they barely see them. I'm sure now they feel completely stuck in their lifestyle, their career choices, because of the life style they've chosen in the past. 

All these years I've sit on the stone of failure. I've sat, burning, in my own opinion that I had failed at life, and at something great, because I hadn't finished school and become an attorney. 

What I failed to see (no pun intended), early, was that God, in all these years, was protecting me from something that He 1. had never meant for me and 2. knew would bring my demise. What we might see as a failure may not be a failure at all, but a turn around sign from the Lord saying, "I've called you into greatness, YES, but not this. Not this path." 

I'm choosing today. To jump off that rock.

Journal Prompt:

What thought of failure have you lived in that you need to let go of? Was it really your own understanding, something you wanted? If you believe that the Lord was calling you, and you messed up, how can you fix it?

Prayer:

Father, today we realize that our own opinions of failure need readjusting. Lord we thank you for your ever understanding. For your protection in times when we believe we were meant to go down a certain path and actually where suppose to go the opposite direction. Thank you Lord for your reminders, your signs, your word through the mouths of those we love and trust. And help me today Lord. Help me to identify more quickly, and with much wisdom, when I am going in the wrong direction. 

Challenge: 

Pray today and ask the Lord to give you a fresh look on your possible not failures. Reach out to one person and share your story, and post a picture to faceook or instagram and share a visual view of how you haven't failed but have actually walked into your destiny. 

Arrived Challenge : Day Two

Scripture Reading:

John 8:44 You are of your father the devil, and the desires of your father you want to do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaks a lie, he speaks from his own resources, for he is a liar and the father of it.

Devotional Content

Do you know the story of Little Red Riding Hood? Most people, especially women, do. Little Red, we will shorten it for convenience, is asked by her mother to go bring goodies to her grandmother who is recovering from sickness. Little Red gets ready, gathers her basket, fully prepared, and heads out. In fact, in the Grimm's version (my favorite!) she has strict orders to remain on the path she's been given to walk.

Then she encounters the wolf. This mean wolf wants to eat the girl and the food in the basket. He secretly stalks her behind trees, bushes, shrubs, and patches of little and tall grass. He approaches Little Red Riding Hood and she naively tells him where she is going. He suggests that the girl pick some flowers; which she does. In the meantime; he goes to the grandmother's house and gains entry by pretending to be the girl. He swallows the grandmother whole (in some stories, he locks her in the closet) and waits for the girl, disguised as the grandma.

The girl arrives, and well we all know the story.

As I began to pray about this challenge I realized that many needed to fully grasp who the real enemy of their souls where. It's not your spouse, your friend, your Pastor.

It's SATAN. 

And just like the wolf he wants to trick you and manipulate you into believing things are "good" when they are not. Little Red was told by her mother to strictly stay on the path she had laid off for her. That did not include picking flowers on an off path. But that clever wolf tricks us into believing this is OK.

It's not. We are blessed with grace when we do veer off trail but how much simpler would our lives be if we possibly understood, identified, and knew our enemy and his tricks so that we stayed as close or on the path completely?

Satan's tactics aren't really secretive. He is a liar, a killer, and he hates us and wants us to have little or nothing to do with Jesus. So he attacks our families, our work, our identities. He lies and says we are something we aren't (ie: saying that we aren't loved by God, when we can if we choose to serve Him be the BELOVED of God).

Satan specifically hates women. He attacked Eve in the garden. We establish that Satan hates women because they are beautiful (as he once was and no longer is) and he is a murderer. Put those two things together - that Eve incarnates the beauty of God and she gives life; as a woman, you give life. Satan's bitter heart cannot bear it. He assault us, women, with a special kind of hatred. 

Journal Prompt:

Do you see this? Understand this concept? Can you comprehend this? Take a few moments and write a paragraph on being Little Red and encountering the wolf. 

Do you really know or believe that Satan is the main attacker behind everything bad that has happened to you and that you've been through? Yes, humans have choice, but that human was most likely influenced by the wicked and sinful way and temptation of the enemy. 

How have you strayed from the path? 

Prayer

Heavenly Father, we come boldly before you. We need fresh encounters from Your Spirit today, Lord. Engage our spirit, teach us to know our enemy well so that we can understand that we have more authority over him and that we have the ability to catch situations and people who he may use to impact our lives negatively. We desire to honor you, to serve you, and to forgive boldly. 

In Jesus' name we pray, Amen.

Challenge

Repost today's instagram photo above with your completed sentence below:

I've believed the wolf when he's said _________________. But I no longer believe that in Jesus' name, because I am the beloved of Jesus! Amen!

For me:

I've believed the wolf when he's said that I wasn't worthy of marrying a good man. But I no longer believe that in Jesus' name, because I am the beloved of Jesus.

Arrived Challenge : Day One

WELCOME! You've started, Arrived Challenge, and today is DAY ONE. How exciting! Here's the format for what you'll see daily on the blog. Originally I was going to offer a downloadable devotional but felt pressed by the Spirit to post them here on the blog so everyone had equal opportunity to read, participate, and be set free.

Each day you will have a 1. scripture reading, 2. devotional reading 3. journal prompt. 4. Challenge!

Keep a journal. Write it down. Devotionals and the prompts with this challenge should take 5-10 mins. Now, lets get it started:

Scripture Reading: 

Genesis 37:5 Joseph had a dream, and when he told it to his brothers, they hated him all the more.

Devotional Content

Before we can become fully confident in our ability in the Lord, sometimes we have to look back. We don't look and GO back, we look back to deal with issues that we may have hidden deep in our heart. Before we can arrive, fully, and be present fully in a place of deep confidence, we have to rid ourselves of the insecurities set within us early.

I didn't realize until two years ago that I had a rooted insecurity set inside of me. God brought it to the service and began to deal with it in me. It seemed like such a "simple" issue that I should have gotten over years and years ago; in fact, I didn't even think it was an issue.

That tricky enemy. He does that. He makes thing that are seriously dangerous (ie: flirting with a man "innocently") seem like it's not a big deal, because he knows it is, and he hopes we fall.

So I looked back. I had arrived into a place of deep insecurity several years ago because I hadn't dealt with this.

When I was about 8-years-old I had a neighborhood friend. Ladies, I don't even remember her name. We used to ride backs and play in the dirt mounds around my house. She was my closest friend and we did everything together. 

One day several months into our sweet friendship we were riding our bikes, laughing, and playing make believe. We decided we would pretend that one of the dirt mounds was our castle. She said, "Meg, I'm Princess So-and-so!" I gleefully proclaim, "I'm a princess too!" Then she stopped and said, "Oh, oh no Meg. You are too ugly to be a princess."

I just started crying. I went home and told my mom and she comforted me. She said those things were lies. She even bought me a new necklace and earring set to make me feel more princess like.

But I had never heard a peer so openly say I was ugly. So of course, I believed her. I also never played with her again and from that day I realized a seed of insecurity on my beauty had been planted.

Well I didn't realize that until 2 years ago.

You see those bad places you arrive, like such above, come from a seed. And you have to figure out how to grab on to those roots and YANK those suckers out. Now I'm learning to arrive into a place of confidence in my life, my health, and my beauty. God designed us well. He makes no mistakes. Lets work together on not insulting His most prized creation.

Journal Prompt:

Think of my own example of arriving in a place I shouldn't have and pray and ask the Lord to reveal any "bad seeds" planted in your life. This could be recently, from childhood, or even from your own negative thinking. 

How can you identify these seeds? And when you do, how can you pluck them out? Write down several possible answers in your journal. 

Prayer:

Father, we ask Lord that you would help me to identify any negative places I have arrived due to badly or negatively planted seeds. Lord, help me to pluck these up with the help of your word, prayer, and the community around me. Help me to be surrounded by people who will speak Your word into my life, uplift me, and correct me lovingly. Lord, I desire to begin moving my thoughts, spiritual life, body and heart into a place of arrival in which you are there completely.

In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

Challenge:

Write down three negative things spoken over you and then write down three positive things that you can replace those thoughts with. If you've been told your dumb write down DUMB - SMART. And begin to speak and pray those things over your life.

Also, post a selfie of yourself on you instagram or facebook with the hashtag #arrivedintroductions and #arrivedchallenge and list these three things:

1. Your Name
2. Your occupation
3. Your favorite beverage currently 

Looking forward to getting to know all those who participate!

Love,

Meg 

Arrived

I dream of a place where women can freely be accepting of themselves, their flaws and their strengths and using them both equally to better themselves, their family, and their communities. I believe that women have been battered and beaten in so many ways (even by themselves) and that many women, especially mothers, struggle with a sense of self-identity.

I believe in a place where we can arrive in a season in our life where we know who we are, the beloved of Jesus Christ, and where we can believe and hope for strong things for our future.

This is what the arrived challenge is about.                          
       It's not about arriving and staying. Long.

It's about arriving, celebrating, and then moving along so we can arrive again. 

Arriving should be constant. Moving.

There are many definitions for the word "arrive or arrived" the one that resonates the most with me is this:

arrived; verb:
reach a place at the end of a journey or a stage in a journey.
"We arrived at his house and knocked at the door."
synonyms: come, turn up, get here/there, make it, appear, enter, present oneself, come along

We are in a journey. A journey to arrive at a place or stage in our season of life that can be celebrated. As women; singles, mothers, wives, widows, sisters, best friends, lovers.....we can help each other arrive and celebrate together.

The 30-day arrived challenge is just that. It's a celebration of each different parts of our lives; family, love, sex, singleness, JESUS. We will take the challenge and walk hand in hand and with each day we will complete little challenges { ie: drink 9 glasses of water today and photograph it and post it to share! } pray for one another, and complete the FREE downloadable devotional that goes along with it. In the devotional we will talk about the in-laws, babies, sex, health, Jesus, scriptures, work....you name it, we have it covered.

It's time ladies that we refresh together. Journey together. Allow the Lord to quench our thirst for Him, community, and genuine female relationship; we will no longer be dry bones but a deep fiery well of water.

At the end of this journey I'm offering a girls night out. We will all get dinner together, talk about what we learned, then hit the town for an ARRIVED women's photo shoot; complimentary of myself.

Are you in? Take the challenge. Let me know you've joined by following the journey on my facebook, Meg Bailey, or follow us on instagram @arrivedchallenge.

His presence is sweet,

Meg Bailey 

When The Rainbow Doesn't Appear

It's pouring outside. But it's one of those downpours where the clouds are moving and the sun is still slightly visible and you know it's coming. The promise. The rainbow.

So many times in my own Christian walk I have dealt with the rain. Turmoil. Complete and utter struggle. I am told countless of times, "Stand on God's word, hold fast to His promises, if you speak His will and you speak the right things He has to do what His word says He has to do."

This is true to my season now. I've been told, "Have faith! It's coming." Yet every month I lie in bed, weeping at the first of the month because I don't have rent money. The state assistance has run out. My food stamps cover enough for one week and one of my utilities gets cut off monthly and I have to pay re-connection fees.

Where is that darn rainbow?

I'm learning quickly as I grow in wisdom and seek His word that so many of us have twisted our view of scripture. Even myself. And we have done a really good job at encouraging faith and trust in areas that aren't even promises.

In fact I've seen people go so deep into their faith, on things they think are from God, that the situation really does seem to be working out. In faith, they haul out verses, you haul out verses about provision or healing or whatever's appropriate and fitting. The more you talk about it, the tidier the solution becomes, the better it sounds, the more it seems to fit. You pray like crazy, share it with people, plan accordingly. You're moving in faith. This must be God's plan.

Except it isn't. It's your plan. You're believing that God will fulfill a promise that He never made. And when He doesn't, your faith comes crashing down. You're confused, embarrassed, angry. We end up in a hole of disappointment realizing that it was simply our own hope, our own running, our own will. We have to deal with the shame and embarrassment of having to admit we are wrong, having to undue things that we've said and done to get "God's will" moving.

He didn't do what you expected--but He never said He would. You put words in God's mouth that He never said. And when your dreams didn't come true, you think He failed you.

So what do we say to the mother and father fighting for custody of their child? To the single mom who can't make ends meet? To the single person who thought they were called away when they were being told to stay put? What do we say to comfort the family who just lost a newborn son or to the child whose being abused?

The rainbow seems invisible.

And I want to challenge our thinking. Because YES! Romans 8:28 does declare, "And we know that all things work together for good to whose who love God, to those who are called according to HIS purpose." 

But what if the purpose we wanted is not what He wanted? What if His idea of good for us, is not our idea of good for us. It's really unscriptural to say, "Oh Meg! God doesn't want you weeping every month because He says that through Jesus we are blessed and highly favored."

But why does having my bills paid mean I'm highly favored? And what does that say to Job and what He went through? I wanted to encourage those today, and Christians in general, that there will be times in our lives where we are putting our faith in the wrong thing. We must exercise discernment. We must pray - immensely for the truth and we must stop believing that because we are in a tough season or a refinement of fire that we are not faith filled enough. Because all He asks is for our obedience.

When Joseph sat in that prison, he was being obedient to exactly where God had him. I'm sure the rainbow was invisible at times, but who are we to say that tough season wasn't God's will? We see from scripture it was and God's idea of good for him in that moment was that jail cell.

So encouragement for today, here are a few things you can do when you are not seeing the rainbow or when you are chasing a dream you aren't clear on if it's from God or not:

1. f you're thinking "God told me," ask yourself when He said so, and how you know that it was Him. If you're leaning on your feelings, or the clues you've gathered { this is not where in the world is Carmen Sandiago }, remember you're fallible. Scripture says our hearts are deceitful. You may be setting yourself up for a big fall.

       With that part said; if you are in the fall. If you've chased a dream or a purpose you thought was of God and it wasn't, and you are realizing this. It's OK. He still loves you. It's not too late. And He still has a great purpose for you. Remember Ecclesiastes 3:11 "He has made everything beautiful in it's time..."

2. Use the correct measure of faith. Don't be impressed by how much faith someone puts in her own idea. Be encouraged by the person who submits to God's plan and in the person who knows that whatever God's good for them is, they are content because they desire His presence and fullness.

3. Pray less for your desired outcome and more for God's will. When I'm hoping for something specific, I pour my heart out to God about it. I tell Him how much I want it, and why. Then, because I know I can fall into this trap again, I spend more even more time and energy praying things like, "help me to pray the prayers you want to answer," "align my will to Your will," "I want your plan more than anything I think I want," and "put me in the center of your will."

Being very vulnerable here there have been certain things I've wanted in the last several weeks that I've gotten selfish and prayed specific prayers over. I constantly have to check myself. Because even though "I WANT" those things, God may have something more fitting for my future and my kids future.

Be encouraged today, friends. You may not see the rainbow right now. I'm not. But I know it's coming. It's still raining and just like Noah saw the rain for forty days and forty nights he still had to deal with the land drying. He didn't see the rainbow until he was OUT OF the boat. So, hold fast. You may, like me, still be waiting for the land to try.

- Meg

|| For questions or comments please email me at megbailey22@gmail.com ||

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Digging Deeper

The last several women's conferences I've attended were the same. I walked in to find big white or gold balloons hanging from the ceiling or placed on tables as table scapes; tables stocked full of "BE-YOU-tiful" or you "are enough" products being sold at ridiculously expensive prices. There are tables full of mini cheesecakes and other fatty and wonderful desserts adorned with flowers and jewels; all beautifully intricate details to appeal to a woman's eye.

And it does appeal. And the messages are positive and up lifting. "You are chosen, you are the one, you can make a difference." Most of the messages deal with identity and self worth and they are beautiful and poetic. Many women cry, hold each other, and rock side to side with one another as they tearfully listen to stories of woman who struggle with feeling enough and wanting good relationships with God and people.

Then the conference is over. We head back to our routines and our cooking and our daily lives. We have lunches to pack, our men to take care of, and kids to feed. What many haven't realized is that we haven't hit anything below the surface and so we also head back to affairs, and porn addictions, and secret drinking and drug use.

You don't walk into a women's retreat to find tables on how to deal with porn, or how to deal with anger towards your children; or how to, with scripture, deal with the inability to be satisfied in your sex life with your spouse. You don't see tables on how to manage your home well, and in love, or how to effectively talk to your teenage son who thinks he might be gay. You don't see single moms standing behind tables with information and resources on where to go for help, or healing, or even just to talk.

It's a tragedy. Women's ministry has become a big "how can we make you feel better today," program. What many women's directors and Pastors have failed to see though is that making these women feel good in the moment isn't going to help how they've felt for a lifetime. The pain from their past, the shame and dirt they feel is smeared upon their sinful faces. Who is going to help them recover from addictions, or help them trust a spouse who has hurt them or help them flee an abusive relationship? You sit in a service and you see beautiful woman talking to you and many of these woman in this service say privately to themselves, "I can never fully be that, because I can't even fully tell anyone what I'm really going through."

So. I stand before you asking you to take up the cause with me. Lets break this. Lets revamp women's ministry. Lets go to the heart of issues and go away with the roses and the tutu's. Being beautiful is not about fancy tables or overpriced merchandise, it's about wholeness and an intimate relationship with Jesus and those God has placed in our lives to walk with us, like our spouses. It's time we look beyond the make up, beyond the pretty blouses, and pray for one another, deep prayers. Prayers of healing and restoration. We cannot continue to open wounds, bring up topics, and then not deal fully with them. Many women need counseling and daily encouragement and accountability - we have to help them better.

Jesus understood the importance of a woman's heart. In John 4 we see that Jesus went out of his way to go through Samaria, and it says in verse 6 of John 4 that "being wearied from His journey, sat thus by the well. It was about the sixth hour." It was around noon time. And if you study scripture you know that women went to the well together in the early morning. Possibly to catch up on town gossip or simply because that was custom. Regardless the woman at the well, came hours later, because she was ostracized from the other women. She was a social outcast, forgotten, and most likely mistreated; and so she avoided people as much as possible. One day though, at this meeting at the well, she could not avoid a man who would not allow her to avoid her past.


Not only was Jesus waiting for her there, sitting there, but He spoke to her. Normally men did not speak to women in public. Jewish men did not speak to Samaritan men let alone Samaritan women. Jewish men would also have nothing to do with a woman known to be living in sin. Yet Jesus broke all barriers, all rules, to speak to this woman about eternal life. He saw her. He believed in her and He knew that His father and Him had a gift to offer that she didn't even realize would change her life.

Jesus dug down into this woman's heart and brought her sin into the noonday sun. She had been married five times and was currently living with a man who was not her husband. She had experienced love and loss, and it seems she had turned away from marriage completely, preferring to live in sin because the thought of another loss of marriage, another hurt from a man that didn't seem to want her or even just another marriage ending, was too much to bare. But Jesus taught her about Himself, Herself, and how His living water could change her life forever.

What if the women in her city would have dug a little deeper? What if those women would have asked the hard questions, tugged the heart strings, and helped her deal completely with her pain and sin. What if we would step out of the normal rules and regulations and love and live and boldly deal with issues like Jesus did.

The woman at the well; I am her. You are her. We all have dealt with sin or hurt so deep it seems that we must hide ourselves in the noonday sun instead of being vulnerable in the morning to one another. I know personally that before I realized the importance of vulnerability and of true authenticity that those "feel good" women's conferences helped for a weekend. A week after. Even sometimes a month.

But I also realized quickly that I needed more than just a quick fix. I need open heart surgery and the tender touch of a surgeon so lovely and detailed that He puts my heart entirely together again and doesn't leave my chest open and exposed; and my body bleeding.

Lets be different in how we handle women's ministry. Lets break the barriers and start dealing with issues, completely. God desires to see women free, women whole, and I desire the very same thing. My heart hurts for you ladies. My heart yearns for you to experience the beautiful healing that comes with vulnerability; and I am here to offer help.

In His Love,

Meg

{ for questions or comments please e-mail me at megbailey22@gmail.com }

Servanthood

Servant hood. It can seem so complex to some but truly has a simple meaning; a true leader or follower of Christ expresses his ultimate love for the Lord in how he serves and loves others. ( 2 Corinthians 4:5 ) For we do not preach ourselves, but Christ Jesus the Lord, and ourselves your bondservants for Jesus' sake. 

The Bible has a great deal to say about servant hood and what it looks like because the central theme of the Bible is the servant of all - Jesus.

Mark 10:43-45 says, "Yet it shall not be so among you; but whoever desires to become great among you shall be your servant. And whoever of you desires to be first shall be slave of all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many."

Jesus, King of Kings and Lord of Lords, came to whaaaat? Serve. He came to serve. If you read the New Testament, the gospels, you will see that Jesus' life was all serving. He served the people, He fulfilled their needs, He healed them, He made time for them.

General Bruce C. Clarke, a retired General of the US Army { this man served in WWI, WWII and the Korean war } stated this quote, "Rank is given you to enable you to better serve those above and below you. It is not given for you to practice your idiosyncrasies." 

This general understood servant hood. We are not given a certain title so that everything we want  or everything we need is served or known; we are given responsibility so that we have a greater ability to serve, higher. If I had more money, I'd give more of it away. If I had more time {didn't have to work} I'd volunteer more.

All believers are called to ministry (Matthew 28:18-20) and therefore are all called to be servants of God. Lets serve others by serving Christ. God, as the Father, has served us by sacrificing His ONLY SON on the cross for our sins, and we should serve others by giving them the gospel, having intimate and healthy relationships with them, helping them in their time of need.

Serving is action. Serving is love in motion. Be bold, serve bold, love bold.

War Zone

My house is a war zone. You're almost always tripping over a toy, seeing a dish in the sink, and seeing laundry that needs to be folded.

I hate it.

I have to work super hard to take care of all four of my children and keep up with the house. This is all while trying to find a job to take care of them financially and while also trying to take care of myself. A lot of times, I'm alone. 

Then it got me focused back on a project that I wanted to do a long time ago. I wanted to document the life of a single mom. So I decided, why not do my own family? Why can't I focus on what goes on in my own household?

But as I've photographed us relentlessly over the last several weeks I've realized, really realized, something truly powerful. Many people are doing it alone. Even when they may not be alone, they still are. 

Then I realized that a lot of families, a lot of singles, a lot of couples face day to day and no one talks about it. No one talks about the anger mothers face when their children constantly rebel against them. No one talks about the abused woman who is too afraid to speak out and walks into her front door wondering if she's going to be hit again. Or what about the man who works 65 hour weeks and misses out on birthdays, holidays, even just time with his loved ones because he's so consumed with being the perfect employee.

No one talks about the seemingly adamantine situations so openly as to cut to the root of the issues. Instead, you find most people comparing their pasts, judging the now moments, and doubting their futures.

But you see friends. We are all in our own war zone. This is not a competition of whose past was the worst, whose life was more redeemed, or whose situation is more daunting. To each of us our situations are all hard. Our lives all have struggles and scream it if you have to but LIFE IS NOT ALL ROSES. My new motto is "bury the roses." Because if we bury that statement that life can always be sweet if we do x, y, and z then we can really get to the root of what issues we are facing day to day.

So enter in my new project "your'e not alone." Because each day for I honestly don't' know how long I will post my own war zone. Because life is tears, and pain, and tantrums, and walks in the park, and laughter, and you cannot leave anything out or you are missing key moments to grow.

You can start your own war zone project. You can document the realness in your life, share it with the world, and change a life. Over the course of time you can hashtag photos and short blurps of your own daily struggles. You can hashtag #warzone and #yourenotaloneproject and #burytheroses.

I cannot wait to walk this road. War doesn't scare me. What would scare me is not facing it head on. You need to know that you are not truly alone. That we can and will face these wars together.

Laughing with Joy

What makes God laugh? Does He laugh? Why of course. We make God laugh! At least, I know I do. I'm sure He looks down from Heaven and shakes His head and says, "It's Meg again." ha. As I laugh at each of my children, knowing so well their personalities, knowing their strengths and their weaknesses why would God, our father, not be amused by out antics knowing full well in advance what we are going to say and do? I think God thoroughly enjoys good humor; enjoys a good laugh and loves to see us enjoying it as well.

Joy and laughter are all apart of God's plan for us. Psalm 16:11 "You will show me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy; at Your right hand are pleasures forever." God's desire is that we have joy. Literally, if we are aiming to walk in His presence daily, consistently, then we are walking in the fullness of joy. The word fullness literally means to be filled to capacity. You need nothing else because God's presence has filled you so full that you are at capacity. Everything else that is given is simply, overflow.

Laughing is an expression of joy that comes from the heart of God Himself. Humor is encouraging and edifying to the body of Christ. Colossians 3:23 "Whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men." Laughter and joy comes under the category of whatever! Humor exhibits the joy, the passion, and the adventure of the Christian life.

Whenever I am around a group of people who are new to one another and haven't really met before the first technique I use in encouraging a comfortable atmosphere is humor. I am a very sarcastic human being and I love seeing people smile and laugh. The more people laugh the more relaxed they become and are able to be themselves and open up.

Literally laughter and music are two of God's finest gifts to us. They give us the ability to express our inner feelings about God with a sense of joy, anticipation, and participation. Participation being a key component. The Bible reminds us, "The joy of the Lord is our strength." (Neh 8:10) 

The best source of humor is right at the end of your nose. Especially if you're looking in the mirror. The ability to laugh at yourself is a sign of maturity, of healthy self-esteem, and of having your priorities straight. Remember, God is on the throne and we are on the ground. Humble, humus, and human; all words well-suited to our earthly imperfection compared to God's perfection.

Even more emotionally healing than laughing at ourselves is the ability to continue to laugh and choose joy when the story is repeated. Laughter is medicine to the soul. It is very healing. People in the medical field tell us what Bible has said all along, "A merry heart does good, like medicine, but a broken spirit dries the bones." (Prov. 17:22) We can make a choice. Be upset or talk about sour grapes; or be embarrassed -- or we can choose to laugh at ourselves. When we laugh, we heal.

Laughter puts the body in a state of relaxation. In a physically relaxed state, we take our foot off the pain accelerator and put on the brakes. Our bodies, in my opinion, were made for laughing. My laugh is a bit infectious and creepy; but sometimes when I start, I just can't stop. And when I look up, my eyes half squinted, I see others around me laughing too. And their faces illuminate joy. It's coming from the inside and is just a outward appearance of how their hearts feel at that moment.

Literally consider these few facts about laughter:

1. Laughter is a natural pain reducer.
2. Laughter increases our ability to cope with life.
3. Laughter massages our internal organs (and who doesn't love a good massage, eh?)
4. Laughter exercises our facial muscles
5. Laughter increased the heart rate and improves circulation (all perfect timing with February being heart health month!)
6. Laughter oxygenates the body.
7. Laughter stimulates the immune system (and that needs stimulation guys!).

We've all been in those high-stress, low-strength situations where we turn to our lover, or our best friend, or our family members and say, "Someday we'll laugh about this." I say, why wait? If we can see the humor potential, lets just dive right in! The time and distance between the difficulty and our ability to laugh about it is what I call the "stress zone." We can't hurry the time, but we can decrease the distance between the first and the last moment we spend in the zone.

Today, lets choose laughter and joy. I know it's hard, but don't wait.

Trials and Tribulations

One of the most difficult parts of the Christian life is that fact that becoming a disciple of Christ does not make us immune to life's trials and tribulations. Why would God, who is good and loving and compassionate, allow us to go through such things as the death of a child, disease, injury or pain, financial hardships, worry, etc. Surely, if He loved us, me, He would take all these things away from us? After all, doesn't Him loving us mean He wants our lives to be easy and comfortable? Well, no, it doesn't.

In fact, it's quite the opposite. The Lord wants us uncomfortable so that we can grow. So that our faith can be tested. So that we can withstand more and more. Being real and transparent here, I am going through some of the hardest tribulation and trials I've ever faced. I'm a single mom. I have no job. No money. My car by the grace of God is finally getting fixed; but I'm still having to use others.

He's growing me. And let me say this. I trust in my God. I trust in my savior and in my King. My tribulations and trials have nothing to do with my lack of faith. In fact, He's growing me in this area beyond what I've ever imagined. Every single day this week God has allowed a trial and I felt extremely alone in the physical. But spiritually not many knew or know that I feel strong. I feel comforted, I know that my King is with me.

As in all things, God's ultimate purpose for these things is so that I will be made more in the image of His son, Jesus. The same goes for you, when you are being tested. I know I'm not alone in this. Neither are you. Your trials, the ones He is allowing, they are for a purpose. And that purpose is growth. 1 Peter 1:6-7 states, "In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which perishes, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ."

Tested by fire. Fire hurts! Tribulations hurt. Yes, I have cried this week. Yes, I have felt physically alone. But my faith, being more precious than gold will be tested and I will honor and glory at the revelation of just how BOLD and beautiful Jesus is.

So here are a few things that can help you get through your trial. They seem unconventional. I promise, they will help you. These are the things I've been doing this season.

1. Give Thanks

Sometimes being thankful in a difficult situation is the most difficult thing you can do. Yet, Scripture is very clear about this response: “In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you” (I Thessalonians 5:18). To be thankful rather than to complain takes a conscious act of the will and a sacrifice of natural desires.

Thanking God in all things does not mean that we thank God for evil. It means that we are thanking God for the benefits He intends for us when He allows things to happen.

2. Rejoice! 

Along with giving thanks, we also are instructed to rejoice in all things: “Rejoice in the Lord always: and again I say, Rejoice” (Philippians 4:4). Thanking God is an act of the will, but rejoicing is a response of the spirit. Therefore, it is possible to be sad and joyful at the same time. We cannot escape the pain of a difficult situation, but we can learn to rejoice in God Himself and in the good things God will do through our suffering.

Remember, when you are the one supporting someone going through a trial and tribulation; sometimes the best thing they need is for you to just be there. Comfort them. Hug them. Wipe away their tears. They can rejoice and still be sad. This doesn't mean they are faithless, or being punished, or not seeking God's face.

3. Believe and Act on the Word of God

When Jesus was tested in the wilderness, He responded to each temptation by quoting Scripture. For example, when Satan urged Christ to turn stones into bread, Jesus quoted from Deuteronomy 8:3: “It is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God” (Matthew 4:4). We can follow Jesus’ example and successfully engage in spiritual warfare by proclaiming truth in the face of tests and temptations.

The LAST thing you need to be in trials and tribulations in silent. You need to proclaim God's truth over your life, over your families, and over the situation at hand. BE BOLD and approach God's thrown.

4. Cry Out to God

Job even in his suffering CRIED out. It's OK! perhaps the greatest reason God has for taking us through the trials of life is to bring us to the firm conclusion that we need God. What is God’s purpose in giving us commands that seem impossible to carry out? He desires to work powerfully through our lives; therefore we must learn to depend on Him. He alone must become our source of strength, provision, protection, and direction. God will send the appropriate people into your life to help guide you and be with you, but at the end of the day, He is the one who will sustain us.

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Those are just four things I'm leaning on currently. Those closest to me, those privileged get to see the rough edged Meg. I recommend you not just tell everyone, everything, in your season of trial and tribulation. Not everyone will walk with you through it in the way you need them too. Make your needs known; those who care and love you deeply will do whatever they can by the grace of almighty God to help you.

Love is Action

Most people have heard of the Five Love Languages. The love languages is a specific way to love another (you love in their love language not yours). The five common ones are physical touch, quality time, acts of service, gifts and words of affirmation. A lot of people though take it to the extreme and only love others in what they suspect are their two top ones (ie: my top one is physical touch with my secondary being quality time; however I have qualities of the other three that I desire).

This got me thinking about several times in my life where I realized that love was an action and not just a state of being or something that was idle. It literally is an action word. Even recently, after a misunderstanding with someone, they made the statement, "You want me to show you I care, you want proof after proof; but you just have to trust me." 

Something didn't completely settle with me on this statement. I prayed on it and asked God to clearly reveal to me how I was to love. Meaning, how do I show someone I love them or care about them. Can I simply just tell them I care and then move on?

No. Love is action. Jesus showed His love for us by literally dying on the cross. 1 John 3:16 "By this we know love, because He laid down His life for us. And we also ought to lay down our lives for the breathern." 

Literally Jesus' entire life was one big action of love. He healed the sick, He ministered to those who wanted to hear truth, He pursued people passionately through His actions. It was never just words for Him, He always backed up His love with some sort of action whether it was a miracle or a simple spending time with people, etc.

Christ literally performed the ultimate act of love. Christ loved us so much that He died for us. This should motivate us to love others and to love them in the same way that Christ loved us. This means not just saying we love people but really loving them by our actions. We can love our families by showing respect, being courteous, having patience, and understanding in all types of ways. We can love our neighbors by reaching out to them in kindness. We can love the needy of the world by sharing our possessions with them. Loving actions reveal the truth and depth of our love.

Love is selfless. Love thinks of others before it thinks of oneself. 1 John 3:18 My little children, let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth. This is not me, this is scripture. We must love one another through deed { actions! } and in truth.

I saw a picture perfect representation of this yesterday at the funeral of my best friends, Papa Jack. He was also like my Papa and I loved and still love him dearly { and his incredible wife Margaret }. I've been best friends with Christin for as long as I can remember. She was the only person that came to support me when I was in the custody battle for my daughter (who was non-blood related). But yesterday we needed each other and we needed other people.

The group I'm apart of, Multiply Charlotte, really showed the action love of Jesus Christ yesterday. We had the leader, Danny come out plus Bethany and the gentlemen I am seeing Aaron all came to support us. Bethany and Danny, even Aaron, didn't have to come. They do not know Christin's family on an intimate level like her and I do. They could have made the choice to say, "I'm sorry for your loss, praying for you." But they didn't just do that. They showed the love of Jesus, in the way that Jesus would show it, by showing up and offering an ear, a shoulder, and a place of rest for both of us.

In human relationships love is the same concept. People must choose the attitude of love and then express it by their behavior. Such behavior touches the heart and emotions of those they love and moves them to reciprocate it. In the Bible, the word "love" does not refer to an emotion, but to an attitude and behavior (including both actions and words). Love is the attitude that stems from choosing to look out for other's interest first; then loving behavior follows.

Today, lets choose something different. Lets choose to love by action. Lets love each other like Jesus did when He spread those two arms across and stood in the in-between for you and I. It can be difficult and uncomfortable, but it's rewarding.

1 John 3:17 But whoever has this world's goods and sees his brother in need, and shuts up his heart from him, how does the love of God abide in him?

Isolation

Isolation. Isolation is a major dilemma facing God's people today. It is even at times, encouraged from other believers, with the sense that, "Leadership is lonely; being set apart is lonely; or you sometimes have to walk alone." 

But this is a lie. Isolation is not of God. Period. 

Lets look back first at the garden of Eden. God created Adam and what did He say? And the Lord God said, "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him." (Genesis 2:18) From the beginning of creation God saw the heart of man and knew that it was not good that he be isolated or alone. Many people have become emotionally and relationally cut-off from others. Everyone seems to be leading busy lives yet often we are not connected to others for any real deep purpose. When we are under pressure, or our relationships are suffering, or life has too many unpleasant surprises we are often tempted to keep these things to ourselves. 

Isolation is more than just not having someone to talk with. Isolation weakens our spiritual defenses. We often forget that we are in a spiritual battle every day. This is a war for our spiritual well-being, our effectiveness for God, and our impact on those closest to us. Isolation from others is deadly. 

Isolation stunts spiritual growth and opens us up to spiritual attack. 

Paul stated in Romans 7:21, "I find this law at work: When I want to do good evil is right there with me." Without other strong believers around us we fall prey to attacks that we can easily feel defeated by. We don't talk about our situation, we don't listen to others wisdom and we don't seek it out. The enemy wants to get you alone because than you are easily swayed. When there are other praying and scripture reading believers around you, he will attack, sure, but you are less likely to fall because you have the voice of reason (scripture and wisdom from others) helping to keep you grounded. 

How do I know if I am isolating myself or if I'm just resting in Solitude?

Isolation is simple; it's the attempt to be alone or spend a lot of time alone so you don't have to open up on a deeper level. You don't want to expose certain area of your life or you may even feel the need to protect certain things. Sometimes a vicious cycle can develop where the more time you spend alone, the less you feel like people understand you, and the less you feel like people understand you, the more time you want to spend alone. 

Isolating yourself can cause a lot of problems both spiritually and naturally. Spiritually you may feel justified but God never intended for people to be alone. He created community and the helper for a reason. When you are spiritually isolated you could be bound in chains and affection, while you could be praying and reading your bible a lot you still don't reach your potential growth because you aren't being sharpened by another brother, and you could be walking in deceit and opening yourself up to spiritual attacks from the enemy. 

Some of the effects of isolation can include feelings of loneliness, alcohol or drug problems, trouble sleeping and can even lead to depression. 

Be aware that some may encourage isolation or loneliness based off a judgment such as not being "equal to someone" or a particular group of people. You can be in an intimate relationship or friendship with someone who is on a different spiritual level or who are gifted in different areas. 

With solitude there is an understanding that you are never alone --- God is always with us. Solitude can be refreshing and restful and provide a moment of peace and clarity for us. However solitude is an afternoon of peace or journaling, a weekend away camping to focus on God. Solitude never takes us away for long. Jesus was never off by himself for months at a time. 

Photo by Alan Derwin

Loneliness; a choice or a state of being? 

Loneliness is a powerful trigger towards isolation and often leads to spiritual deceit, chains, and even risky behavior. A husband who convinces himself that he cannot open to his wife, or that no one around him could understand what he's struggling with, buys into the lie the enemy is setting him up for. He begins to isolate himself, not talking to anyone, not attending his small groups. Then in walks the gorgeous blonde at work who makes him feel safe, secure, heard; and thus an affair begins. Although he was intoxicated by isolation and fantasy, he had to know that it would lead to that affair - yet he continued down that path anyway. Until he couldn't turn around anymore, at least felt like that. But like with Adam and Eve who hid themselves in the garden, God knew exactly where he was. And God intervened and revealed the lie. 

Loneliness, while a feeling we feel as humans, is still a choice. As the enemy of our souls roars and throws the bait into our path, we learn to step over it -- being obedient to the word of truth that lives within us. We learn to live like we really are in Christ. We learn to take our stand in faith with our feet planted -- not moved by the insanity that is around us. Even though you may feel lonely, you are not. You can reach out to others and actively seek community. 

The enemy has gone before us, friends, preparing the bait to move us towards that trap. Just as a hunter guides his prey down the path of destruction before it's too late for the prey to escape. The enemy is well aware of our weaknesses that triggers us to lean towards isolation. He doesn't want you free. He wants you bound; he wants you constricted, he wants you in chains. He knows these things not because he can read our minds but because he's been studying our behavior. He's an incredible observer.

Lets be sober minded. 1 Peter 5:8 "Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." When we isolate, we attempt to resolve the problems in our life or figure out serious life decisions or even plan our future apartment from anyone and everyone else. We pull away from family, friends, church our spouses - even sometimes God, to do what we want to do; to protect what we believe we need to protect because others don't agree, because we don't trust, or we think "they won't understand." Although we may think we are in the right and are doing well, the enemy is watching and he sees that you are alone and he's ready to attack. 

Think on these three questions:

What type of things trigger you to want to isolate yourself?

In these types of things what behaviors are associated with that isolation?

What do you need to do to overcome isolation?

Glory in Suffering

I'm a private person. Surprising, I know. I share when necessary but truthfully I don't talk a lot about what goes on in my heart and in my mind. Those thoughts and feelings are saved for certain people and God; and only come after trust is built (well not with God because I trust Him completely).

But lately I've been suffering. I lost my job at the beginning of January, then within two weeks the engine in my van broke; the job that I was supposed to get (it was a waitress job) seems to have fallen through and despite my relentless pursuit of a job I haven't gotten one call back.

I don't know how I'm going to pay February's rent.

I don't know how I can pay my bills when what I take in (my only income currently is child support) is far substantially less than what I have to put out.

But the Bible does not hesitate to describe the human condition and the reality of living in a sinful world. Suffering is an inescapable part of that reality. And I'm constantly reminding myself that someone is suffering far greater than I am. Ecclesiastes teaches, "For in much wisdom is much grief, and he who increases knowledge increases sorrow." (Eccl. 1:18)

No one is immune from suffering. Not you, not me, not the president. Suffering may come as a result of a person's sin and failure. For example, some people may suffer financially by not carefully budgeting their money or being wasteful. However, suffering may also arise due to other people's sin and failure or other forces outside of our control. An example of this is a drunk driver who causes an accident creating suffering for others.

We know that people suffer - we see it or experience it every day. "We also who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, eagerly waiting for the adoption, the redemption of our body." (Rom. 8:23) Suffering is common to all people and is not removed by the presence of the Holy Spirit. Being a Christian is a not a "get out of suffering free" card. I am a living testiment of this. Literally I have felt like I have poison in my blood and that everything I touch becomes tainted or of no value or just simply, poisoned. This however is a mistruth because Christians experience suffering like everyone else. No better illustration of this principle can be found but with Job!

Satan complained to God that Job, a righteous man, served God only because his life was relatively free of suffering. A wager was made and with God's consent the course of Job's suffering increased. With the increased suffering came Job's increased questions and struggles with God. His demand for a hearing concerning his questions grew to such a tempo that God deepened jobs suffering by bringing his soul low with humility. In that suffering, Job found that his deepest desire was not for relief, but that what he wanted more than anything was the presence of God. Suffering awakened him to a deeper desire for God.

This is exactly what has happened to me over the course of my entire life. Real talk; my life has never been easy. The moment I think I have found something wonderful or great it disappears or walks out and then half the time I am blamed for the demise or the outcome.

Human suffering aroused my anger, invigorated my action and as a result enabled me to push back  the darkness of the fall. Suffering really humanizes me and my heart and increases my hunger for God and His presence.

So today, it was rough. I suffered. I didn't talk about my feelings to anyone and I wrote them out in my journal. I realized by the end that I was writing specifically to Jesus and was groaning and crying out for HIM.

My situation could be worse. I could be homeless. My children could be ill. But none of this has happened. So I will, walk humbly in the suffering, and trust that this is just for a season. And that in this grief I am gaining wisdom and that with all the knowledge I gain more sorrow will follow. I will also hold firm to the truth that I am not flowing with poison. That I am full of the Spirit of God which is exactly the opposite; it gives life.

Today, know that God is bigger than your suffering.

Maturity and Change

{ This is a devotional that goes along with a new series I'm doing daily. Enjoy }

I joined a non-conventional Bible Study group called Multiply last September. It's unconventional because we are not affiliated with a church, we meet in a public place and even though we are currently in a book study we are 100% Spirit lead.

I've also never grown as much, spiritually, as I have since joining this group. This got me thinking, can people really change this dramatically? Even more, can believers actually become more like Christ?

Scripture affirms that people can change, doesn't make change an option, and offers guidance for producing positive change. We are told, "If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new" ( 2 Cor. 5:17)

So....change to what?

Scripture identifies a common goal for all who are in the upward cycle toward maturity; coming to "unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a perfect man, to the measure of the statue of the fullness of Christ" (Eph. 4:13). Paul was reminding Timothy that every Christian or believer in Jesus needed to study scripture. Scripture is vital to our spiritual health. We have achieved maturity when we help edify others, contribute to the body of Christ, and are filled with Christ so that we are equipped for every god work.

Change....why and how??

In our close relationships we may be called to help shape or sharpen one another for the better. "As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend" (Prov. 27:17) Our goal is not to judge in a fleshly way. Believers are meant to judge each other righteously and in maturity and love. You also need to be humble when receiving correction or sharpening and vice versa. There will be times where you will be the one sharpened and then other times you will be the one God uses to sharpen. It's a two way street. Paul wrote, "Now I myself am confident concerning you, my brethern, that you also are full of goodness, filled with knowledge, able also to admonish one another (Rom. 15:14). Following are a few questions we should ask ourselves:

What is our authority for guiding change in ourselves and others?

Our authority is the truth and word of God. It sets the standards for our behaviors; period. When we challenge ourselves with the word we then can also challenge our brothers and sisters with the word. We should not make a move though to help someone unless directly lead by the Holy Spirit. If He has asked you (speaking believer to believer and not in an evangelical way) to help this person or to speak to them He will provide the time, words, and resources you need.

What should we seek to challenge change in others?

When beliefs and behaviors do not correctly align to the truth in the Bible we need to reprove the unbiblical beliefs.

How will we know if the change we desire to see has really occurred?

Jesus Christ will become visible in you (if you are being sharpened or seeking to change in an area) or them as they respond to biblical truth and sharpening. We will see victories, chains being broken, and miracles and gifts being used. Remember, however, change takes time and ultimately it is the Spirit who changes and convicts the heart we are just the mouth God uses to share His truth.

Change...Trying VS. Training

Frequently we see the need for change in ourselves and others. We think and write out lists of what we need to change, we talk to our friends about what we are feeling led to share as a challenge with our friends and for a few days we try hard to change and then suddenly we just "crash and burn." Why? Because we are trying, and trying almost always ends in failure. When people try to change, they are merely hoping that they will find the inner strength to behave differently.

The biblical model though is not trying it is training. Paul teaches that maturity and change comes with training. "Exercise yourself toward godliness" ( 1 Tim. 4:7). There is an enormous difference between trying to meet a goal and training to meet a goal. People may try all they want to win the big race, but the winner will be the one who has been in training. 

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Are you training or trying? Are you actively praying for God to send you people to sharpen you? Are you humble enough to admit when you need to improve in any area? Mediate on those things today.

{Interested in knowing more about Multiply Charlotte? Visit our Facebook Page  or email us at multiplycharlotte@gmail.com} 

Building Good Relationships

This past week as God has challenged my walk I've also felt challenged to share a series of devotional type blog posts that I have in my heart. Scripture is extremely important in our spiritual health. It's like being a runner and not stretching or hydrating.

This morning I felt led to talk about relationships. What can be done to build a good relationship? What does a good relationship look like? I have experienced so many bad, that I'm finally recognizing the good. It all started with me realizing that we cannot do a whole lot to cultivate a healthy relationship. Techniques simply do not work. Real relationships evolve out of being a certain kind of person. We must focus on who we are in a relationship rather than what we do. 

Photo by Meg Martino Photography | My best friend

Ecclesiastes 4:8 says, "There is one alone, without companion: He has neither son nor brother. Yet there is no end to all his labors nor is his eye satisfied with riches. But he never asks, "For whom do I toil and deprive myself of good?" 

The Bible makes it clear that isolation and loneliness is not good or pleasant. You can work your butt off and wake up one day and realize, "I have no one to share this with. This is not worth it."

Following are a few of the most important ways of "being" in order to have, cultivate, and encourage good relationships.

Be someone who listens.

At the heart of every good relationship is the ability to listen and to try and understand what another person is saying, regardless of how you feel or what you think. Without accurate listening, a good relationship can never be built. Listen intently and respond appropriately, even if that means not responding immediately. Like a mirror reflects an image, we can reflect the person's message by saying something like, "What I hear you saying....." or repeating a small bit of what they've said back to them.

Be someone who is safe. 

A close relationship is built on feelings of security and trust. You cannot have a healthy relationship without these things; especially a dating relationship or marriage. If people do not feel safe, there is no hope of them ever opening up and being authentic or real with you. People who keep their word, follow through, and encourage their friends to be themselves create a sense of security in the relationship. Once you earn someone's trust, your relationship is able to flourish.

Be someone who serves. 

In rewarding relationships people don't just have feelings of security and trust but they also give to one another more than they like to receive. If a relationship is built upon Jesus and two servants you cultivate a relationship of giving; and not selfishness. Sometimes that help may be literal or tangible; a ride to work, babysitting the kids, etc. At other times it may be praying for you, giving you reassurance after a job interview. The point is we should help them because we want to and because we are appreciated, not because we have to.



Be someone who walks in another's shoes. 

The bible says we are to carry one another's burdens (Galatians 6:2). You have to try and learn to see the world from another person's perspective. You have to aim to have empathy. Once we put ourselves in other people's shoes we begin to understand why they may react, feel and think the way they do. Remember, it's not always about you. 

Be someone who weathers turbulence. 

Almost every good and healthy relationship eventually encounters a rough spot, a time when both people, whether in a marriage, dating situation or friendship, feels like giving up. It can be a scary phase in a relationship especially when a lot of time has been invested. It is a good indication though of a conversation that needs to happen about your true feelings; your likes and dislikes, the good, the bad and the ugly. But if we are mature enough the time of turbulence can lead to a deeper more intimate and more beautiful relationship.

Be someone who is constant and consistent. 

Some friends carry the ability to go months and years without talking and then they can pick right back up where they left off. Some don't. Know your friend or significant other well enough to know what helps make them feel secure. When someone is constantly in and out of your life or does not follow through or stay true they are setting up a foundation of inconsistency that can lead to a lot of really big issues in the future. Be constant.

Be someone who knows when to call it quits. 

There are some relationships that are not worth the work for the level of intimacy we are seeking. Of course, every relationship needs nurturing, but some relationships no matter how hard you try are doomed to disaster. If we are in a relationship where we are constantly trying to win the persons acceptance or approval or never feel accepted or good enough, the relationship is probably not a good one. You should be able to walk in who you are and your friend or significant other should be able to challenge you to grow not to hurt you. When you are in this type of relationship we need to call it quits before the other person's rejection damages us and limits our usefulness to God.

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Ultimately, and in closing, relationships are complex. Building your relationships strong by examining yourself to determine the type of person you are, rather than focusing only on the things we do. If we focus on who we are first the things we do will follow naturally.